Sunday, April 4, 2010

My Addiction

They say the first step to the recovery of an addiction is admitting you have an addiction.

It's taken me a long time to even realize I had a problem. I haven't told anyone and while I think I have it hidden and well under control I'm sure I haven't fooled anyone. I've never been a good liar.
Thankfully my drug of choice is cheap and easy to get. I can score it anywhere and anytime I want. I use far too often. Multiple times a day and I know it's killing me but up until now I haven't been able to, or wanted to stop. I know it's responsible for the lack of sleep, the bags under my eyes, the bad broken out skin, the jumbled, disjointed thoughts, the intense peaks and valleys that are my emotions. I know it's bad but I've been hooked so long I can't imagine my life without it.
This road to recovery will be long and it will be hard. Because my drug is so easy to get it's going to tempt me at every turn but I'm going to try so hard to be strong. Strong not only for me but for my kids and my husband.
I realized it was time when I looked deep inside of me and had a really stern conversation with myself. I'm working so hard to get in shape at Boot Camp. Sweating, aching, pushing myself so hard. I've found something new that I have a passion for. Something really good for my body, something that can help me be the bombshell I want to be and yet I'm still pouring poison into myself every chance I get.
Unless I quit the drug I'm never going to be the body shape I want to be.
I know this and I'm ready to commit to the hard recovery.
I think however, I might have picked the wrong day to start on. I'm not going to backslide. I'm going to do this but kicking my addiction when I'm surrounded by Jelly Beans and Chocolate Easter Bunnies and Peeps and (God help me) Cadbury Eggs and Reese's Peanut Butter Eggs might not be the easiest start time on the calendar.
That's my addiction. Sugar. I'm completely and totally hooked on and addicted to sugar.
This week will be hard with the kids home but next week when they go back to school I'm going to go to boot camp and then take my bike out every day and ride until it's time to get the kids.
If I'm not around it, and if I keep myself occupied I won't be tempted by it.
So goodbye Snickers Bars. Goodbye Twix. Goodbye Ice Cream. So long marshmallows. I'll miss you all very much but if I'm going to get serious about this getting into shape I have to turn my back on all of you.

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