Thursday, April 15, 2010

Bully & the ambush

I just got completely ambushed at school with the principal and another mother.
It seems that my son is a bully.
He's been picking on this kid something fierce. Hitting him, kicking him, shoving his face into the ground and flicking him in the head.
His mother was PISSED OFF that her son is being picked on and bullied by PJ.
Embarrassed doesn't begin to cut it on my end. I agreed with her and apologized and told her that I was shocked because I had NO idea any of this was going on. If I had known, I would have done something about it after the FIRST time.
This poor kid. I made PJ go and apologize to him and start all over again. When PJ went to talk to him I noticed that this kid is about half the size of my big son.
WHAT THE HELL KID?! You are going to pick on someone who is itty bitty? Somehow that makes it worse. 
Now I'm mad at PJ for being a jackass but I'm more angry with the school for not telling me this was going on and for letting my son torture this kid for so long.
The communication is BRUTAL in the kindergarten. This just proves it...
PJ is being punished currently and will be making an "I'm sorry" card for the other kid.

The more I thought about it the more I knew I had to write an email to his teacher and the principal:

PJ and I just had a talk about what has been going on with him and the other little boy.
He told me that he wants Austin (that's his name right?) to play with him and forgets to use his words. I'm going to sound like a mother here who's kid can't do any wrong but PJ is NOT a mean boy. He's not malicious and he's not a bully. I know that his unprovoked attacks on Austin weren't done with any intentions of harming or hurting. PJ is impulsive and very very physical. It's his one really bad area and we work on it every single day.
I'm going to have him make a card that says he's sorry and we will be giving it to Austin tomorrow.
I wish I'd been told about PJ's actions after the very first incident so that I could have attempted to prevent the following attacks. I'm always there at pickup and I almost always ask how his day was. I'm concerned that something this grave and this serious wasn't mentioned to me. I cannot help correct behavior I don't know about. I don't even know how long this was going on for! A week? A day? Two days?
Today was my second ambush meeting with another parent about Patrick misbehaving.
The first was at the start of the year with Nyle's mother.
I know the cafeteria is a bit of an insane mess but this can't happen again. I can't have another surprise meeting. 
I'm left feeling like a stammering fool, unprepared, surprised and embarrassed.
I'm not against meeting face to face with other parents in a situation like this, in fact I welcome it,  but a little bit of a heads up would be nice.
I'm literally 50 steps from the school. I'm always home during the day and I'm always on the computer. An email or a phone call just letting me know that something has happened and we need to have a meeting about it with the other child's parent.
I got the feeling that Austin's mother knew we were going to be meeting but I was in the dark.
Not a good feeling.
From here forward let's please all try to communicate better and because I know PJ I'll say when, and not if we have another incidence of him being impulsive and forgetting his words and using his hands I'd really like to be informed about it immediately either with a quick email or by taking me aside at pickup time.
As I said, I can't correct behavior I don't know about.
Diana Whittles
His principal wrote me back almost right away:
The parent was in to see me just this morning.  I had a chance to speak to Patrick briefly after my observation with the Spanish teacher.  While he’s in class sitting with the other students, I do not see him acting the way he does during free play or in the cafeteria.  I want you to know that I too, know that Patrick can be impulsive and physical; nevertheless, he is not malicious nor has the intention of harming any of the students.  In the near future if anything should happen, you will be notified so that you can prepare to meet with the parent.  The parent came in this afternoon wanting to speak to you regarding Patrick’s behavior.  I apologize for not having an extra minute to e-mail you, but my plate was fuller today than it has been in the past.  I don’t think we’ll have this problem again. 


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