Sunday, July 11, 2010

The way things are, is the way things are

I usually focus only on the good and if there is bad or negative in my life I try very hard to let it pass over me like water off a duck's back.I loathe self pity and really do try to not engage in it and if I do, it's never for very long.

There is a wonderful line from the movie "Babe" - "The way things are, is the way things are" meaning you can't change the course of the universe and events unfold with a reason and we are often both clueless to the meaning at the time and powerless to change them. Accept them and go forward.

I am usually very zen about the fact that my life is essentially on hold till my children are in high school or maybe college. That's not me looking for pity or sympathy. It's just a fact.

This summer though has been rapid fire disappointments for me and I'm left with the feeling that I'm powerless in my own life because of how much I rely on others.

I grow tired of getting excited for things, for planning things, only to ask for the help I need and being shot down because "they can't handle it" or because "They are doing things for themselves"

I get frustrated because I don't feel that I ask a lot of this world, and don't request help all that often (If I get 9 nights away from my children a year that's a whole hell of a lot. That's not me going out doing stuff alone either. That's overnights with Mike. Date nights are out of the question and never ever happen.) I don't have a social life to speak of. The things I (want to) do are solitary and simple and far and few between.

I really do try to be kind and supportive of everyone around me. I try to be empathetic and sympathetic.
I give all that I have and most of the time get nothing in return.
I know that my family thinks they are as supportive as hell and give a lot to me but the fact is, the only person who sacrifices anything around here is me.
Again, that's not a cry for pity or me being dramatic. It's just a fact.

I don't want to fall into the huge pity me hole I'm teetering on the edge of. I don't want to be that person and I don't want to go down that road.
So for now I'm done. I'm heading into an emotional hibernation.  I won't be blogging here and will do very little updating to Facebook.
I need to shut down and allow my mind to reset itself. To find that zen place that's okay with my situation.
The place that understands that "The way things are, is the way things are"

No comments: