Sunday, July 11, 2010

Happiness is a state of mind

So despite only getting 4 hours of sleep last night and having a very real dream about my best friend that cause me to wake up with a smile and the thought "I've got to tell Chrissy about that dream. That was crazy" and having that thought followed immediately by "Oh wait. I can't tell her. She's dead."
That thought though very jarring and sad sent me down a path of thought that turned out to be very positive.

In trying to find anything good in the loss of my best pal, I realized that life is SO short and we don't know when out last day will be.
That we must give and get the most out of every single day and there is absolutely zero room for any self pity. It wastes valuable time. Make the best of what you were given. Bloom where you are planted.

So I'm going to do exactly that. I will not feel sorry for myself for what I don't have, and what I don't get to do but rather be thankful for what I do have.

Having said that, there is no trip to the Berkshires for the kids and I this summer and no camp for them. First summer in 7 years I haven't made it up there but I'm sure there is a reason that's not clear to me at this point.

I just called my mother and told her we aren't coming up this summer. She is very disappointed but understands that we can't afford it.

I won't dwell on what I want to have but can't. I have to focus on what I do have. The disappointing final decision was tempered a little with the good news that we got the hotel upgrade we were hoping for at Disney and we have a room at the Animal Kingdom Lodge with a Safari view which means I get to sit on the balcony and see giraffes and zebras.

Today was that 20 mile bike ride in Queens that I'd been looking forward to doing but couldn't do because of the lack of help with the kids and the dog. I woke up wishing I were going and feeling sad that there was yet another thing that I wanted to do for myself and was once again unable to do it.
However that sadness was tempered with a visit from my aunt and father and a really nice lunch and a trip to Target.

Accentuate the positive,eliminate (or minimize) the negative....I'm trying. I really am trying.

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