What to carry in Disney World

Someone just posed the question "Backpack or rolling bag in Disney Parks?"
Rolling bag?!!!!!! Seriously?!
If you have enough crap to fill a rolling bag, you've got too much crap with you.
When the kids were little and I needed to carry more stuff I had my messenger bag and it was filled with all that I might need for small kiddos.
Now?
Darling husband carries his backpack always but it's never really got much in it. If I make him stop to take it off to often he gets pissy.

• Water bottles filled with ice at the start of the day
• sunblock
• rain ponchos
• small towel
• bathing suits for each kid  
• whatever we purchase goes into his backpack.

I carry my very favorite Day of the Dead fabric shopping bag and in it I have my

• First Aid kid (Bandaids, Tylenol for adults and kids,liquid bandage, antibiotic ointment, Q Tips) 
• Package of tissues
• Wet wipes
• Purell
• Chapstick
• Mints
• IPhone
• Camera
• Wallet
• Gallon sized ziploc bag
• Tiny umbrella for the sun
• Ear plugs for Lion
• Sunglasses
• Hair brush

That's IT. Each boy this trip will have their own backpacks with a bottle of water, snack and whatever toy they can't leave the hotel room without this trip.
You really shouldn't need that much in the parks! Unless you have your own lunch or a huge camera or a huge camcorder or towel or change of clothing but I really can't think of why on earth you would need a rolling backpack.
I understand the "we are going out and not comin back" mindset and how you might feel you need to pack your whole entire room with you but you really DON'T.
Disney will have whatever you need.

I would go insane trying to pull a rolling bag around the parks. I wouldn't be caught dead in a fannypack.

Today

We went on an awesome picnic with my darling pal Shari and her family and we had an outdoor church service and then an awesome picnic.
Today was great.
How great?
Glad you asked. This video sums it all up. This is the tireless and most talented and kind and wonderful Kim. Shari's bestest pal.

Memories

When my sister and I were about PJ and Lion's age my mother was a serious dancer. She'd danced her whole life and it was her love and her passion.
When we weren't in school in the summer and even before that when Em and I were too little for school we used to go with my mother to dance classes. At least three days a week, usually more we would find ourselves at a dance studio where my mother would set us up in the dressing room with coloring books and Tropicana orange juice from the vending machine and we would sit and try to be as quiet as we could and wait for her.
Watching the actual class or being in the studio while the class was going on was a no no. We very very rarely were allowed to watch and so we sat alone, unsupervised in the dancers dressing room for an hour and played. I remember that it was unspoken that this was something that was very important to mommy and while we were tolerated our presence wasn't greeted very warmly and lots of the dancers didn't want us there.
These were serious prima ballerinas who took their classes like church and wouldn't have their concentration broken by two little girls one who wanted nothing more than to be a ballerina herself.
That would have been my sister and not me. I tried ballet since my mother and sister were such serious dancers but I never felt comfy twirling or leaping.
I wanted to ride horses but that's another post for another day.
The reason I've gone and wandered down memory lane is that for the past few Saturdays my darling husband has been joining me at Boot Camp. This means the kiddos have to come with us.
Rather than having them tucked away in a back room they are front and center playing with all of David's stuff and cheering me on. Seriously. Today Brian applauded me and shouted "GO MOMMY" and Patrick yelled out "Looking GOOD Mommy!"
And today, PJ got hurt. He apparently fell and scraped up his knee really good. Lots of blood. I had no idea this had happened. All of a sudden David was gone running to the bathroom to get tissues to clean up the knee. I STILL had no idea till I happened to glance over that way and saw PJ looking serious and worried and David dabbing the tissue at his knee.
I love that David totally handled it, didn't ask me what to do or even let me know what was going on. He also never stopped teaching and encouraging us.
That would NEVER have happened at ballet class....

Disney Food

Think you won't like Disney World because of the food? Think it's all bugers, hot dogs, french fries and pizza?
Check this out...

Things to never discuss

Politics, religion and your exercise routine.
Seriously. I just had the wind taken out of my sails big time by my father in law.
He's a rock solid retired police lieutenant.
He goes to the gym every day to work out and tonight I discovered that the man can press 360 pounds with his legs and press 190 with his upper body.
Wow...and here I was feeling all funky fresh about my 45 pound weight...

Boot Camp...

I missed boot camp yesterday because I did something funky to my knee on Wednesday when I took the bike out and I didn't want to aggravate it and be out for longer.
All this week, David has been putting out the bigger dogs. The 40 and 45 pound Kettlebells.
I know he's doing it to tempt me, to push me and to keep me working smarter not harder.
Let me tell you, those are some heavy weights.
It doesn't sound like a lot and I'm sure more than one of you is sitting at your computer reading this going "So?! Big  deal! That's not that heavy."
 Well to me, they are and I'm so damn proud that I have the strength to work with them!

Up until now, I've been the only one itching for bigger heavier weights. I've been alone in my desire to push myself and work my way up to the 80 pound kettlebell (yeah, I've moved up from the 75 pounder) I think I'm the only one who really wants to develop stand out muscles and get ripped arms and legs.

On Tuesday the two big weights were out and we were doing something called a farmers walk which is when you carry two weights, one in each hand and just walk with the weights by your side.
I grabbed the two heaviest and walked and they were HEAVY and I was really working carrying them.

Once in a while I take a peak around the room to see what everyone else is doing.
I was thrilled and proud when I saw two of my fellow bad ass classmates used the heavier weights for the first time as well!

Wednesday the big weights were out again and they were so popular that I had to switch to a lighter weight because they were always being used!

I see such changes in my classmates. I'm so proud of all the work everyone is doing and how strong we are all becoming! Tushes are getting tighter, waists are getting smaller, abs getting tighter...

I love how we all work together, how we all support each other and when a new face comes to class, how we all do our best to support and welcome the new folks. I love how there is no ego, no one upping, no competition, and no attitude in class. It's all about you pushing you and you making yourself better and setting your own goals and crushing them!

I'm aware that I'm the most enthusiastic kid in the class. I'm always gushing about the class and singing the praises of David and I'm sure folks want me to shut the hell up at times but I've never felt this good and I've never liked how I look in the mirror all that much.

I love the class and I'm super proud of David and how much of a success his class has become and how quickly he's grown in a year.

I sincerely hope that this impending summer break doesn't mean the end of our class and the end of all the hard work everyone has been doing.

I'll be there over the summer as much as I can be working towards that 80 pound kettlebell!

Shopping Done

(whine) Why didn't you guys tell me they'd added a huge drugstore to Bed Bath and Beyond!!?? (whine)
I went in with a mission and a budget (sort of). I got two packs of the space bags which are $20 each! I had to get hangers and then I went to the little travel size area and that's when the trouble started.
They have the end of the rainbow for folks who love mini sized items. So much good stuff! So much little sample sized items I had NO idea I needed!!
I tried to be good. I really did. I wasn't awful and skipped a ton of unnecessary stuff. I was almost done when I noticed the makeup...I needed to get a new under eye concealer and a new liquid eyeliner.
When all was said and done, my total came to $100. That's not terrible considering I had the makeup and the space bags and the hangers.
Now I have to pack it all up without him seeing...

Shopping for packing

So every trip we take I have a pre packing shopping ritual.
I always hit up Target and throw things I think we might need willy nilly into the shopping cart, la di da and $200 later I have everything we could ever maybe, possibility need for the Disney vacation.
I never ever hesitate and never ever feel guilty about this shop. It's totally part of the deal of going away and it's something I enjoy. Those little bottles of shampoo make me happy.
My darling husband NEVER EVER understands this ritual and gripes about my wasting money on all this "crap"
My argument is that it's all stuff we NEED.
The truth is, the stuff I get is mostly for me. I know our room comes with shampoo and conditioner and body wash and that might be ducky for a guy who bics his head but when you have hair to the middle of your back that stuff ain't gonna work. I need my Prell shampoo to keep my hair clean and non greasy and I need my Pantene conditioner.
We also all need toothbrushes and we need toothpaste and I need razors and shaving cream and body lotion and I need purell and bandaids and uh...all that other good stuff I always get.
This trip though...this trip is different. I've been postponing the pre-trip shop. I've been trying to figure out how to get around it actually.
This trip is going to be more expensive than the last few we've taken because it's time to renew our annual passes.
We are going to have to plunk down $2,000 for our tickets this trip. That's a large chunk of change. That plus our dining plan which came to about $800 plus our plane tickets plus plus, plus we are looking at a $4,000 vacation.
Of course, the tickets will pay for themselves by our next trip and they are totally worth it for our family since we go so often but I hate the renewing them since it's such an expense.
Of course, I now have to do it tomorrow. I've run out of time and left myself no options.
I can't do the pre vacation shop with anyone but myself. Husband sucks all the fun out of it by stressing about money and the kids distract me.
Monday is a holiday and he's off of work and I have to ship all this stuff to Disney on Tuesday!
Tomorrow I'll go to Bed Bath and Beyond and really be as quick and strict as I can be.

More packing

and while I'm whining and bitching about packing for Disney World (everyone should have such troubles right?)
can I just grumble about how I hate having to wait till the night before to pack all the clothing (okay most of the clothing) because the kids need to wear the stuff I need to pack?
How I'll be up doing laundry the night before and will be galloping around like a chicken with no head making sure we have everything and I don't repeat the trip when the boys were babies and I completely forgot to pack for my darling husband?
Yup. I packed everything for the kids and I and not one item of clothing for him.
That was NOT pretty let me tell you.
Today I'll hit Target and get a bunch of stuff we need and then I'll head into the city for the spacebags.
The king of not spending money always says we don't need half the stuff I get but it always gets used and is always needed so he should just STFU and stay out of my way.
But I really hate having a packing list in my head and having to wait till the last second to execute it.

Packing Part 2

Packing part 2

So you would think, that after 30+ trips to Disney World and knowing the parks so well I can navigate with my eyes shut packing would be a simple science.
It ain't.
I am a chronic over packer. I was bad before the kids but with them I'm worse. So, so much worse.
Every trip I SWEAR this is the trip I get my stuff together and really pack only what we need. Pack light, pack smart. (the travel equivalent of work smarter not harder) Never happens.
As I'm packing I split into two people. Part of me channels my wonderful paternal grandmother. A beautiful 94 year old feisty Jewish Brooklyn grandmother who doesn't take guff and can pack your entire apartment in one tiny box. Seriously. The woman could put an elephant in a carry on bag and still have room.  It is one of her more enviable talents. To her a suitcase is a game of Tetris (not that she would know what Tetris is) and everything you need to pack has a particular way it needs to be put in the suitcase in the proper order (and folded and wrapped right). 
Then there is the Cher Horowitz in me.(You know, from the movie Clueless) and she needs to pack EVERYTHING in case. In case it rains, in case it's sunny, in case it's cold, in case it gets dark, in case I run into someone cute and famous, in case, in case, in case...
She's responsible for the 30 extra batteries weighing the suitcase down that were packed in case the mister fans need them.
She's also responsible for the 10 extra pairs of shoes we pack and the 900 extra tee shirts and the 500 pairs of underwear and the 5 bathing suits per child and please, don't get her started on the non clothing items.
She's the part that's obsessive about having cute bags and cute hair accessories and packing makeup and hair products.
She and my internal grandmother have epic battles when it comes time to pack.
My solution to make everyone happy was that I discovered Space Bags. Space Bags are my lifesaver and a Godsend. They allow me to pack everything I need, want and desire and still fit everything into a duffel bag.

This trip however, I'm trying something new, at least for the kids. Outfits. I'm packing coordinated outfits for them. We went to Old Navy yesterday to get shorts for this trip and I made sure to only get shorts that would work with shirts they had in their closet and to make sure they would work with more than one shirt per child.

That is the grandmother in me. Organized, concise, efficient.
The Cher in me is screaming "WAY HARSH!" and telling me that history shows that I NEED to overpack for the kids. That they NEED all the clothing I always pack for them and she's sort of right.

I can't recall who said that even children fresh out of a bath are still sticky but it's true. Kids are messy critters and while I plan on doing laundry on this trip, we don't have a washer and dryer in the room this time around and so I'll have to take the laundry to the laundry area which may or may not be close to our room.

The more clothing I pack, the less laundry I'll have to do while on the actual vacation.

This trip I have a box. A Rubbermaid container and I'm slowly putting all the clothing and non essentials we need to take with us in it.

It's REALLY full now and I'm not done packing. I was ahead of the game when Lion wasn't wearing shorts. He flat out refused to wear shorts. That had eliminated more than half of the boys clothing. Yesterday when we were in Old Navy he all of a sudden decided he was going to wear shorts.

Great.

Today I'll be making a pilgrimage to Bed Bath and Beyond to get Space Bags...Cher meet my grandmother.

Tired

Today I dropped the kids off at school, went to boot camp and from there took a cab to the PATH and went to my mother's to take the bike out for a spin.
I did 12 miles.
It was NOT EASY today. I'm exhausted right now and would like to sleep for many many hours.
I pedaled my little heart and soul out today and gave it all I had and then some.
At more than one point I wonder why in the hell I was doing all of this. I questioned the point of working my body so hard and pushing my muscles and sapping all my energy.
At the end of the 12 miles I went up to my mom's apartment and pulled out the scale in my sister's room.
175. 7 pounds smaller than when I last weighed myself.
That plus this morning, I'd measured my waist and it was an inch less than the last time I'd measured.
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
It became super crystal clear why I was working so hard and pushing so hard...because if I don't, I don't get the results I want!
The thinnest I've been in the past 10 years was 171. I'm 4 pounds from that!
I wonder if I can hit that before Disney?

Today

Today is the start of fleet week in NYC.
Today after boot camp I'm going to be taking the bike out for a spin.
The bike path just happens to wind right past the intrepid which is where all of the events and activities will be taking place.
The big ships are also going to cruise up to the George Washington Bridge and the turn around and head back again to their docks and unload all those brave men and women.
I'm excited that I'll get to see the ships arriving and will be taking lots and lots of photos!
Hopefully Boot Camp doesn't kill me today!

One giant step

This might be TMI but I'm putting it out there because for me it's a big big deal.
Today I will step out of my home for the first time since about 1988 wearing a strapless bra.
We will see how it goes but I haven't felt comfortable until now wearing clothing that requires a strapless bra. Today I'm just wearing a shirt with the neck cut off but with a regular bra I'd have to shove the straps down my arms and I hate doing that. With the strapless bra I don't have to worry.
Comfortable way to try the bra out...
We shall see.

HUGE confession time...

Two years ago or about 8 trips ago Disney introduced this parade called "Move It! Shake It! Celebrate It!" and it runs at random times during the day but always in the morning.
We were having breakfast on main street when we saw it for the first time and the song! Magical! Bubblegum pop all the way. I was hooked and it was stuck in my head the rest of the trip.
"Hey, get up, get loud, start pumpin up the party now..."
When we got home from the trip I went and looked it up to see what it was all about.
I was horrified by what I found. It turns out it's a remake of a song owned by Disney already.
Here is the parade. For the record, I STILL make my family stop and watch the whole damn parade if I'm lucky enough to catch it and, yes, I can do the dance...


Ready for the original? I'm so ashamed...

Disney World Moments

This is hands down some of the finest parenting I've ever witnessed. Seriously.
You have to watch these videos in order. This kid was screaming at the top of her little lungs, hysterical and the parents were WAY too busy buying new pins for pin trading to leave the shop so mom sends her son out with her small daughter. You can still hear her outside hysterical and the parents don't care, don't rush, take their time buying pins...

Biking

People lie. They lie, lie, lie.
I was (after exhausting my researching/scooby dooby skills) absolutely sure that the bike path on the west side highway was flat, flat, flat.
Today as I was going from Christopher Street up to the George Washington Bridge I couldn't figure out why I couldn't get above 10 miles an hour and why I was struggling so hard.
I had to stop and rest 4 times because I was so exhausted.

By the time I got all the way uptown I was done and couldn't imagine doing the same thing on the way home.
I turned the bike around and....LO! My speed was consistent between 11-13 Miles per hour and pedaling was an absolute breeze. If it had been that way on the way up the ride would have been so much more enjoyable.

Now that I know that going is uphill, no matter how gradual the hill is, I can be more prepared for it.
I did 20 miles today and I'm super proud.

Tomorrow

I'm looking forward to tomorrow.
I'm going to drop the kids off at school and immediately head into the city to my mom's place to take the bike out for a ride.
It's my plan to make it to the George Washington Bridge. One way is 10 miles. It should take me an hour there and an hour back.
I can't WAIT! The weather is supposed to be beautiful, I'm going to take my camera and truly try to enjoy a beautiful day on my pink bike!

Packing for Disney World

Wanna know what goes into a week long Disney trip for a family of four people?
Here are the packing lists as they stand now. Yup, it's a lot of crap. Yup, we need it all.
30+ trips under my belt most with the kids. Experience has taught me to pack it all and hope you don't need most of it.
We don't rent a car and Disney charges triple for forgotten items. It's cheaper to grab it at the dollar store and have it in case...

SHIPPING DOWN 
(A week before our trip, we pack boxes and ship them down to our hotel where they are ready and waiting for us at check in)

• 2 Misting Fans (one for each kid)
• Laundry Bag
• Over the door shoe organizer for toiletries
• Ziploc bags - ( to keep things dry on water rides, multiple other uses)
• Imodium- D
• Advil /Tylenol/
• Band-Aids/ blister block band-aids
• Moleskin
• Extension cord/ power strip
• Small pack of laundry detergent. small bottle of Tide.
• Spray deodorant for your feet
• Sunblock
• Pin trading lanyard
• 2 Iphone chargers
• Camera (backup battery and extra memory cards)
• Anitbac wipes
• Extra AAA batteries - for misting fans, and camera
• Ponchos
• Watershoes
• Converse for mommy, sneakers for daddy, crocs and sneaks for the kids, swim shoes for daddy
• Homework/journal for kids- flash cards,voc. words,math, anything to keep the little brain going
• Propel/Gatorade packets
• Snack foods- dry cereal
• Baby Powder
• Body Glide- or anything for chaffing
• Vaseline
• Toothbrushes
• Deodorant
• Dental floss
• Ribbon and hair ties
• Suction cup hooks for any tile area
• Nightlights
• Bath tub mat for slick bottom of tub
• Shaving Cream
• Razors
• Lotion
• Hair Products
• Kleenex
• Q-tips
• First-Aid kit
• Shampoo, Conditioner, Shampoo for the boys
• Disposable cameras (let the kiddos take some pictures)
• Small screwdriver... for putting new batteries in misting fans and light up toys
• AZO,cranberry pills (I've had a urinary tract infection while down there. NOT doin that again)
• Solarcaine
• Clothespins
• packets of Splenda
• USB cables 
• Feminine products
• Make-up remover
• Wrinkle release spray
• Individual cereal boxes
• Hangers
• Gas pills

PINK VINYL BAG (on plane by feet)

• Baseball caps
• Pressed penny book
• Earplugs- for loud fireworks or to prevent swimmers ear
• Dramamine (non-drowsy) (motion sickness tablets)
• Tide to go pen or shout stain remover, Spray and Wash stain stick
• Changes of clothing for each boy, bathing suit for each boy
• Goldfish Crackers
• Pretzels
• Juice Boxes
• Ring Pops (For the plane)
• Brush
• Comb
• Hair Ties and ribbons
• Makeup
• Stamps and address book of friends who want to get postcards
• Meds
• Vigamox (We've had two bouts of pink eye down there. Not doin THAT again)
• Thermometer

DIA DE LOS MUERTOS BAG (in seat with mommy)

• Chapstick
• Sunglasses
• Purel
• SD cards for camera
• Camera
• Tripod
• Boarding passes if printed ahead of time / airplane tickets
• Airborne
• Ziploc bag
• IPhone
• IPod
• Charger
• Wallet
• Purell
• Lotion
• Magic Express Tickets

LEOPARD DUFFEL (Diana & Kids)
Diana

• Tank Tops (yikes!)
• Tee shirts (BE SELECTIVE THIS TRIP!!!)
• Capris
• 2 bathing suits
• bras
• underwear
• Socks
• Cupcake Pajamas

Boys

• Shorts
• Bathing Suits
• Pants for Lion
• Socks
• Lots and lots and lots of underwear
• Star Wars Pajamas
• swim shirts

MIKE (HBO Bag)

• 4 pairs of shorts
• underwear
• white socks
• henleys
• polo
• teeshirts
• sweatpants
• swim shirt

BREATHING MACHINE (On plane)

Disney Security

Over on one of my favorite Disney discussion boards there is a thread going about Disney security and how amazing they are at blending into the crowd and handing incidences with speed and discrection.

It reminded me of my own story...

Daddy and PJ have a tradition of going on Splash Mountain. Lion doesn't like the ride and so he and I usually have to sit and wait for them. This usually never makes Lion happy and the half an hour or so is usually spent with him being agitated and me trying to keep him occupied.

On this one occassion Lion got a bee in his bonnet that he only wanted to be with daddy. When daddy and PJ left Lion lost it. Complete and total ferecious meltdown. Kicking, screaming at the top of his lungs, raging at me, crying. An autistic tantrum isn't like a normal tantrum. It's 10x worse and you cannot reason with them and trying to remove them or "fix" the situation will usually cause it to get worse. You have to ride it out, and make sure they don't hurt themselves.People couldn't help but stop and stare. Hell, if it wasn't happening to me, I would have stopped as well. I stayed calm, talking to him in low soft tones, trying to soothe him, never getting angry or frustrated.

About 15 mins into the tantrum with no signs of an end, with no stopping or slowing in sight, someone must have alerted security because all of a sudden I saw, one, two, three new folks around me with earpieces in acting as though they weren't watching but I knew they were. They had set themselves up in a triangular formation all observing as though they were just nosy tourists.

I ignored them and focused on my Lion knowing full well that the only thing that would end this tantrum was daddy. They stayed with me the whole time, watching, talking into their "watches" and making sure I wasn't kidnapping or hurting the Lion.

I was impressed with how well they blended and how truly discreet they were.

Now on each trip, I look for them knowing they are all over the parks and that guy sitting down reading a map on the bench, might not be a guest at all.

Smarter not harder

Today I woke at 5 to do laundry (Why I can't pull my shit together to do it at night is absolutely beyond me.) and I woke up and couldn't move. My arms were as sore as the morning after my first day of boot camp.
Good because it meant I worked my bod and gave my arms a rockin workout bad because, well,  achy arms suck. Achy muscles suck in general. I knew today was going to be a super challenge for me in boot camp. Both physically and mentally. I had to remember to stick to my new found "Work smarter, not harder" but find a balance that forced me to push myself and do the best and give the maximum to the class but not go over the edge and burn myself out.

Class was PACKED today (which thrills me to no end each time I see it. I think back to all the 5:50 classes when we were in the park and it was just me and another girl, back when the 9am mommy class was just an idea and look, less than 6 months later a class full of devoted women!) and so he set up a ton of stations for us to rotate through. 4 worked with kettlebells and the rest were either body strength or cardio.

For some reason I with the achy muscles decided to start with dips. I love dips. They are one of my favorite arm exercises because they work the tricep (The back of the arm). I keep my legs out as far in front of me as I can so the dips are harder. I tend to fire them off as quick as I can and go as deep into a dip as I can. When I can't stand it anymore I pull my legs in a little bit. (while I'm on the subject, can someone tell me why I can do deep dips but can't get down to do a full push up?!)

Of course today dips were a bazillion times as hard with the achy muscles and they protested loudly. I can usually do about 40 in the 50 second span. Today it was about half that because my arms didn't want to cooperate. It was okay though. I knew I wasn't going to be able to do what I usually do.

From there I went to a couple of cardio stations and then to the three kettlebell stations. Swings, high pulls and what I call a tricep dip but I'm not sure what it's really called. You hold the kettlebell above and behind your head and raise and lower it. Not a very good description but maybe you get the idea?

Anyway, I grabbed the 25 pound weight again and did swings for 50 seconds and then did the high pulls with the 25 again for 50 seconds.
Last week, I would have pushed myself and attempted to do the tricep dip with the 25 as well. Smarter not harder and I picked up I think a 15 but it could have been a 10 I'm not sure. Even so it was a struggle. I'd do 5 and have to stop, another 5 and stop, another 5 and stop.

Today, rather than being frustrated with having to go down in weight I was proud of it. Proud that I pushed myself but didn't burn myself out. Proud that I listened to my body and didn't let that stubborn voice that is my ego take over.

To end the class he had us doing a fast round of cardio. The rest of the class did jumping jacks and running in place and I did squats and lunges and high knees.(again, I know there is a more technical name, I just don't know what it is) I was able to do some of the exercises that he had them doing and this time I was able to give it more than ever before because I had more energy left at the end of class. I wasn't dragging ass exhausted with wobbly limbs because I'd blown it all with the heavy weights. (That's not to say after all those high knees and lunges and squats my legs weren't wobbly, because they were!) I had energy to spare to really push myself and it felt really good. New and different.

I've struggled with the cardio since he really started pushing us. It's been my one big source of frustration in class that I can see progress with my strength and I can feel changes in my muscles but the cardio NEVER got (gets) easier for me. No matter how many times a week we did it, it was always a super struggle for me.

I think I get it now. I think I've been expending all of my energy on the weights and reserving nothing for the body work and the cardio. (DUH!)
Today the cardio was a challenge and it kicked my ass but it was nowhere NEAR as hard as in the past. I was able to get everything done at a good pace and not have to stop and take a break every 2 seconds as I'd always had to do before.

My excitement in class is renewed (not that it ever went anywhere)  and I can't wait to see the changes in my workout and my body with my new found wisdom.

Smarter, not harder...the grasshopper is learning...

Business Plan

Tonight I realized that I've lost my Christopher Street Cookies business plan. Poof. Gone like the wind when the kids broke my laptop.
I'm so frustrated and disappointed. I worked super hard on that plan and now I have to start all over again.
The thing is, I SUCK worse than a vacuum at writing plans. It's worse than pulling teeth for me.
If anyone wants to help me, or anyone knows anyone (who knows anyone) who is good at this sort of thing I'd take all the help I can get!
I also still need to get my grubby paws on Adobe Illustrator so I can clean up and redo the logo and labels for the cookie containers...

Today

Because my ego and my pride have a masochistic streak, and because I truly enjoy pushing myself as far as I can go, when we were told to grab a kettlebell this morning in Boot Camp I immediately went for the heaviest one which was 25 pounds (If there had been a 30 I would have snagged it instead).

We were told that we were going to walk in a sort of a serpentine around the studio holding the kettlebell above our head and as we changed direction, we would switch arms. 4 times around.
I was immediately concerned for my left side, my weakest side. Not for holding it as I walked but for getting it up there.

The act of lifting the 25 pounds over my head was going to be hard on my strong side but would require lots of focus and determination on my left side. It did and then some. By the last lift I didn't think I was going to be able to get it up there.

I knew I could do it though. I'm comfortable with the 25 pound weight.

Holding it wasn't a problem I could have done another one or two holding it but the switching arms and then while walking forward forcing my arm to push that 25 pounds over my head...My arms were tired by the end.

Of course when we were done with that he broke us up into stations three of which were upper body/arms and two using Kettlebells. Stupid, stubborn, prideful, & anxious to get my arms into shape I again went for the heaviest bell. I never even looked at the weight but I think it was the 25 pounder again.

We were doing one handed swings where you switch at the top. 50 seconds with 10 seconds to rest and move to the next station. By the end of that 50 seconds I knew if I was going to finish class and not drop dead I had to listen to what David is always telling us "Work smarter, not harder" and go down in weight.

I felt disappointed and angry at myself for not yet having the strength to continue to work with the heavier weight. I felt weak and like I was letting myself down. Not really pushing myself.
I realized though, if I work with the heavy weight and can't finish the full 50 seconds or can't give 100% to the other exercises we were doing because I was too exhausted from the heavier Kettlebell then wasn't I only cheating myself?!
What would the point have been? Great. I can swing a 25 pound weight but then what? Then I can't do anything else? I need to be able to give as much as I can to each exercise he sets up for us.

I went to a 15 pounder which was PLENTY challenging and realized that I should be proud and feel accomplished of the work I did do with the heavier weight.
So today I learned to pace myself and "Work smarter, not harder" my muscles worked just as hard with the 15 and my body got a good good workout today.

Today I learned that pushing yourself in only one area isn't beneficial if you then aren't able to give the same push or the same determination and dedication to what lies ahead.
Today I was humbled by an iron ball and reminded not to be so shortsighted and stubborn.
Oh and for the record I WILL get to my goal of lifting that 75 pound Kettlebell.

Next time we do the walking and lifting thing I want to do half with the 25 pound and half with the 30 pound. I absolutely know that I can do it. I have the strength and the drive and the thought of lifting and working with the heavier weights gets my blood pumping and gets me all excited.

However, the difference will be that after we do that, I'll be reaching for a lighter weight.  I won't be attempting to do other exercises with the same heavy weight.

Somewhere David has video footage of me doing swings with a 40 pound Kettlebell. That is my second favorite accomplishment in Boot Camp. The first is when I was able to lift the 30 pounds over my head when I didn't think I could do 25!

I blogged about it here

It should be noted that that video was shot about 2 months ago. Two months ago lifting the 25 pounds over my head was a dream goal. I didn't think I could do it. When I was able to do it the rush of pride and accomplishment...Today I lifted that same weight over my head TWELVE TIMES. Twelve times while walking! Twelve times in a row and THEN went on to do at least 20 one handed swings with it before I had the lightbulb moment. All that in less than two months. That's nothing to sneeze at!

I love the bigger weights and love how strong they make me feel, not only in body but in mind and soul as well. The heavier weights make me feel like a total on top of the world bad ass and increase my self confidence in ways I never thought possible. Being able to work with heavy weights, and pushing myself makes me feel proud. 
I just have to be smart about it...
I'm so hooked on Boot Camp and how it's made me feel over the past 8 months. I'm doing things I NEVER thought I could do and look! I'm learning things about myself too...good for body, mind and soul!

I feel...

Strong and accomplished today.
Boot Camp was fantastic. Worked with a heavy weight and got everything done without stopping like I usually do. Of course I couldn't do any of the jumping or running he had the class doing today so I did squats and lunges and LOTS of them. I left feeling very wobbly with legs of rubber.
I decided that since today was so beautiful I was going to take the bike out for a ride.
I went and picked her up, got her onto the ferry at 14th street and took the ferry to the 39th street pier.
I didn't have a lot of time so I rode up to 65th street, turned around and went back down to Christopher for a total of 6 miles. My legs were KILLING ME. The tops of my thighs were burning and aching. Peddling that heavy bike was extra hard today but I kept a good pace and tried to keep my speed between 13-15 miles per hour. When I hit Christopher I hopped off and walked her up to my mom's building where she's now living in the basement. (NOT my mother. The bike. My mother has a lovely apartment that I'd kill people for)
I'll take her out again on Thursday when the weather is warmer. I'll attempt to do 10 miles with the same speed.
I have 19 days till Disney and 14 more boot camps...
Today was a great day and I feel good for pushing myself and not giving up.

Oh my achin....

I started doing Boot Camp because I was really tired of hearing the fat on my stomach slap when I went down the stairs at the kids school. Seriously. It was like having someone applaud me all the way down each flight. It got to the point where I was walking down as slowly and carefully as I could so I didn't disturb the fluff.
However, not moving meant no aches and pains, & no injuries.
I haven't damaged myself IN boot camp. All my injuries are either old or obtained outside of BC.
My tailbone? It's bruised and I know exactly when and how I did it.
Humphrey the wonder Basset Hound is old, his parts are old. Bladder in particular. He's been peeing on the floor a lot lately.
When you don't see the puddle of pee on the floor, on the tile floor odds are you are going to completely wipe out. I did it twice. Both times I went up in the air feet out under me and landed hard on my butt. Not long after it my butt started to hurt me but lately, as in the past month or so sitting for long periods of time is agony but not as bad as standing up. I can't just pop up out of  a chair anymore. I have to find something to grab onto, take a deep breath and pull up slowly wincing in horrible radiating pain all along my butt and lower back.
It takes me about 10 or 15 seconds to go from sitting to standing. That doesn't sound like much but time it and try it. You will feel VERY old...
Thankfully as long as I'm standing, there is no pain. Most of Boot Camp is done standing and so it doesn't affect me at all. Bike riding though? Eesh...I got a pair of padded bike shorts (I NEVER EVER EVER wear shorts) and will try them tomorrow. If I'm sort of sitting and leaning forward it's a better position...
My shinsplints go back to horseback riding. Don't know exactly when but I remember trying to push my heels down and wrap my legs around the barrel of my horse and being unable to do it because of the awful pain from the shin splints.
Walking too far, running, even wearing heels all send me into awful agony. Boot Camp has lots of running or skipping or trotting. I sucked it up for a while but when I saw my Dr. he told me that if I don't settle down the splints can turn into fractures and then I'm REALLY out of comission.
So I told David and he's got me doing squats rather than running and sprinting.
The squats while amazing for my legs and my butt have gone and stirred up another old horse related injury. When I was 16 my trainer was proving a point and had me do a jump course over, and over and over till I was so exhausted that I got sloppy and fell off and my knee connected with a jump.
I never had it checked by a Dr. and I clearly should have because now 21 years later it still aches with a radiating pain up and down my whole leg with the focus on the back of the knee when I over use it or when the weather is rainy.
Because of the squats, I've been using my legs a hell of a lot more than ever before and I know it's a good thing because I'm building up my leg muscles that will eventually be strong and the pain will subside but it aches all the time these days. I mean all the time. It's a constant pain that never goes away and it's awful.
Tylenol helps and muscle rub helps too so I'll use them but I'm NOT going to give up Boot Camp.
I've worked so hard these past 6 months and I've never felt so strong and never liked the shape I see my body becoming. To throw it all away because of a few injuries? I don't think so.
I think however, I might have to wear....shorts....I have to be able to get the muscle rub onto my leg quickly and without rolling up my pants.
If I can find my shorts, I'll be wearing them tomorrow...
I'm getting old and clearly the horses tried to kill me years ago...

RIP DIO

Ronnie James Dio -- who took over as lead singer of Black Sabbath after Ozzy Osbourne left the group -- died today. He was 67.

Dio announced last summer he was battling stomach cancer. According to his website, he had been undergoing treatment at a Houston hospital.

Dio is often credited for popularizing the "devil's horn" hand gesture in metal culture.

His wife Wendy, said on his website, "Today my heart is broken ... Many, many friends and family were able to say their private good-byes before he peacefully passed away. Ronnie knew how much he was loved by all. We so appreciate the love and support that you have all given us. Please give us a few days of privacy to deal with this terrible loss. Please know he loved you all and his music will live on forever."

While I was never a rabid Dio fan I respect him and always have for what he did and how he influenced much of the music I love. Besides, anyone who claims to have been the first to throw up devil horns in relation to metal and rock I've got to bow down to...

Rest in Peace Ronnie.

Last Night

Last night I was lucky enough to have the stars align for me and allow me to go out with a group of mommy friends.
I don't know if they feel about me the way I do about them but I consider these gals my core friends. These are the ladies I'll call to go out, the women who if I need something I turn to, the gals I feel happy around and can be myself with no pretension.

I've never been very good at being social. I spent so much of my time as a child chasing people trying to be what I thought they wanted me to be so they would like me, as a teenager I was mean to everyone around me, gossping, lying, backstabbing, loyal to only one and I cringe at how I treated her at times. As a young adult I used to make up wild stories to make myself feel cooler than I thought I was. I was afraid that if people knew me for me they would be bored and turned off.
As a grownup I'm comfortable with who I am and make no apologies for what I do, how I act or what I think.
It took me a while to get here but I'm here and I'm happy.

Last night someone said that I never have anything bad to say about anyone and my first reaction was "YES I DO!" but I thought about it and she's right. I really try not to have anything bad to say about anyone. I try to be as empathetic as possible and see all sides.

I spent so much of my time hurting other people with gossip and smack talk, so much time spreading rumors and being hateful and small minded. All in order to make myself feel better, to feel like I belonged and I fit in. I did a lot of damage, unnecessary damage to innocent people to make myself feel better. I wound up with no one's trust and the reputation of a villain.

Of course I was the first one to crow like a rooster if anyone talked smack about me!
I can't be like that anymore.
It's too exhausting and too time consuming.
Do I still gossip?
Of course I do. It's in my blood. I'll never NOT gossip.
What I've changed are two critical things.
The first is that I will never ever say anything about you to anyone else that I won't say to your face.
I used to talk so much shit and stir up so many problems and then run and hide when confronted. Then I'd lie and say I never said half the shit I actually said.
As a grownup, I always, always make it a point to own up to what I've said and will often take it a step further and go back to the person I was discussing and tell them what I'd said.
That way no words are twisted and there's no game of Telephone going on.

The second is that I will only gossip in a selective fashion. I'll listen to you dish all day on other folks but unless I have something that I think pertains to the topic at hand or something that helps with the conversation I'll nod my head like a bobble doll but won't do much talking.

Okay three things. The third that I don't surround myself with toxic people. I refuse to hang with peeps who don't love life and who need to tear people down or criticize everything others do to feel better about themselves.
I try not to hang with folks who will give me too much fodder for gossip. If I have shit on you to talk about and we are good friends, I'm not going to talk shit. Random acquaintances are totally fair game and I'll yap with you any day of the week about the mother who drops off in pajamas or the one who wears hot pants and I'll gossip about their kids with you but, for example, the gals at the table with me last night? I'd defend them with my dying breath.

The other thing that helps keep my gossip to a dull roar is I don't have relationships with many people. The girls I went out with last night are the closest friends I have. If I don't have the dirt to dish, I can't dish.
I can't gossip about people I don't know. I know lots of the parents on a superficial level and I have opinions (strong ones) on everyone I meet but I have no real experiences to talk about with most of them.

One of the things I learned when I was a nasty bitter gossip was DTA. Don't Trust Anyone. Don't say anything about anyone you would want to get back to them. I can't tell you how much gossip has been passed onto me with "Well she told me so I'm sure she wouldn't mind if I tell you" or "I was talking to so and so and she said that you...."

I also always always always keep the old saying "Those who talk to you, will talk about you" in the back of my mind.
While I no longer think my life is interesting enough to talk smack about I'm sure it happens and when it does if they aren't talking about how bubbly and vivacious and kind to animals and small humans I am I never want to be labeled as a bitch again or someone that you can't trust and can't rely on.

Tyra!

The episode of Tyra that I taped back in February aired today!
I don't look as awful as I thought I would.

I feel pretty, oh so pretty...

I feel like crap actually. In an attempt to feel better I threw on some makeup and took some photos...
Once again cue the You're So Vain song...
Without makeup and looking like a deer caught in headlights

Bike Tour

http://www.nycbikemaps.com/maps/five-boro-bike-tour-map/?lat=40.701601&lng=-73.982632&zoom=14&type=m

When I look at this map and plug in the address of where I finished (111 Gold Street Brooklyn, NY) my sense of accomplishment grows by leaps and bounds.
Look at what I did! Without training! Without a buddy riding with me. (Though without my gals on Facebook I think I would have quit long before I did)
Next year is going to be AMAZING...

and while I'm rewinding or thoughts on a best pal

While I'm waxing poetic about the past and reliving the glory days here is one of my favorite "Limelight" moments.

You have to remember that when we were going to the Limelight we were about 16 or 17 so we were still super young. How my parents allowed me out of the house at 16 in some of the outfits that I wore I have NO idea. My parents though always treated me like a responsible adult and as long as I behaved in a decent responsible manner all was good. I never did drugs, never drank, & they always knew where I was. In return, I was allowed to go to Rocky Horror every Friday and Saturday from the age of 14.
The club we used to go to in Brooklyn was called L'Amour (The rock capitol of Brooklyn) and our parents used to drive us out there but we had to cab it home. (Or find a ride home with a nice cute boy with a sexy car)
Looking back on some of the dumber stuff we did I cringe and thank GOD we weren't hurt or murdered. (My favorite stupid Diana moment was leaving a club in Queens to go with a strange boy to his VAN.)
But back to the Limelight.

Every Sunday night it became "The Rock and Roll Church" and if you were anyone at all, or ever wanted to be anyone at all on the 80's hair metal scene, this is where you were. No questions asked.
Made for a really REALLY long Monday at school but the sacrifice was worth it.
Once a year on Sunday the Hell's Angels took over the club and it was their night. Of course we all still showed up but you could expect a hell of a lot more debauchery since they regard women as meat and there is much much drinking and drugging going on. (said in her best Russian accent)
On that night, you didn't dress to the 9's and maybe you left the spandex at home and opted for jeans and a cute top.
Back then I was 4'9" and.Chrissy was 6'. She was a beautiful menacing presence and you didn't mess with her. We had an unspoken rule that we always stayed together and she always led the way because she was taller and could see over the crowds better. We often held hands so we didn't get separated and I guess if you didn't know us the way we hugged and hung on each other and were always together you might think we were more than pals.  Though I loved her in a way I'll never love another human being, it was a totally platonic relationship.
There were these stairs at Limelight, they were the way to the dance floor and they way up to the bathroom.
They were the way into the club and out of the club.
Important stairs.
She went up ahead of me and all of a sudden I'm no longer on my feet but on someone's shoulder being carried up the stairs like a slab of meat. Some biker decided I was yummy and was taking me to his lair to do lord knows what with me. Looking back I'm afraid that the situation might have been a lot more dangerous than I thought at the time. With the respect and regard that the Angels have for women (none) I could have been in real real trouble if he had taken me to his pals.
I screamed out for Chrissy and to this day I have NO idea how she heard me but she stopped at the top of the stairs and blocked it so they couldn't get by. She fixed this huge man with her best laser death stare and with her hands on her hips said "Put. her. down" The biker laughed and so she said it again "Put. her. down"
He asked her why he should and she said "Because she belongs to me"
I have no idea if it was her delivery or her presence or if he thought she was interesting because the next thing I knew she was wrapped around me in a possessive hold till he passed.
Thank GOD for her and her confidence...
I hate that she and I spend 30 years creating memories and having adventures 90% of which were only she and I and now I'm the only one who can remember.  I'm alone in my time rewinds. 
Her birthday is coming up on May 17th. She would have been 36 this year.
Her father is waiting for her new headstone to arrive and when it does I'm going to go and visit her. I check in on him often via email because he is so super lost without her. I keep in touch with him because he has no one else who understand why he's still grieving 3 years after she's gone.
I keep in touch because I understand why he decided to change her headstone to remove her asshole husband's name (He's never visited her once). I keep in touch because 30 years of friendship is a long time and a hell of a lot of memories.
He goes out to visit her every single weekend without fail. Every single Sunday he's out sitting with her. He's planted beautiful flowers that I know she would love and he keeps her company.

Not a single day goes by that I don't think of her in some fashion and I'll never forget her and will miss her till the day I die.
This is her grave. Her grave. I keep flashing back to when we were about 14 or 15 getting ready to go out. She was so full of love and life and confidence and really and truly lived every single day to it's fullest. She made no apologies for who she was and transformed herself to fit the times effortlessly. She did Goth, Punk, Glam and then finally Rockabilly. She became each of those styles and each was flawless.She dated beautiful men and rock stars. She was connected and knew everyone. If you were to have told me back then that she would die in a motorcycle accident before the age of 35 I would have punched you in the nose.
Losing her reminds me that every day should be fun and an adventure and should be given your 100% all. You never know if tomorrow will come or not.
Wow...this post took a turn I didn't expect it to...Okay then...onto some photos!

What we wear

Did I ever tell you once upon a time, a super duper long time ago I caused a car accident? Not one that I was involved in silly. I mean, two cars collided because one of the drivers was distracted by me.
It's the truth. Hard to believe it now but I used to turn many, many heads. I used to have a rockin bod and I knew it and used it to my advantage all. the. time.
As a teenager grown men would leer at me and ask
"are those yours?"
"No asshole, I checked them out of the library"
At a very early age I knew that sex was power and power was GOOD.
I had these boots. Boots that only came out when I needed the big guns. These boots were car accident causing boots.
Well, when paired with the itty bitty sleeveless scoopback black spandex dress they were car accident causing boots. They looked almost like these:

except my boots had a beautiful grosgrain ribbon corseted up the back from my knees to my thighs

Similar to these but the ribbon didn't run the full length of the boot. Just the top half.
I wore this outfit to the limelight often (not TOO often. Repeating outfits was bad!) because I was all of 16 and it was a bar and well...that whole pesky 21 and over thing...had to find ways around it.
I stepped out of a cab on the corner and adjusted myself and then did what my father calls the "fuck you strut" which is exactly what it sounds like. The "I'm too good for you eat shit and die" walk. The swagger full of confidence and sexuality and power.
As I'm sashaying towards the club is when the accident happened.  I heard a catcall and then a crash.
Now the only way I'm causing an accident is if I step out into traffic and cars swerve to avoid me...
I can't do the strut anymore either. I've tried but it's gone. I think, much like superman my power came from what I wore, from my costume. As I lose the weight, I find myself eying clothing that's not big and baggy but more form fitting and flattering. My confidence is coming back in small bits as well. I'm going out on Thursday night with some of my mommy pals and it's important to me that I look nice. That's a strange feeling for me. I haven't care how I look in a long time. I mean I care, I'm not going out with holes in my shirt or dirty pants or pajama bottoms and slippers but I've spent so much time hiding my figure because I don't like it.
As the inches come off and the weight slips away I want to go shopping and find cute things, sexy things, grownup things.
Actually this whole journey began because I found Sheryl aka BitchcakesNY
I was so inspired by her and her sense of style that I decided to make the changes that needed to be made.
http://msbitchcakes.blogspot.com/2010/05/5-boro-bike-tour-wrap-up-2010.html
She continues to inspire and motivate me. Her photos of herself are so wonderful and I love reading all three of her blogs.
Soon I'll be able to rock clothing like I once did and then look out world!
Maybe I need to find those boots again.

Robert Louis Stevenson

Oh you cannot be serious. You just can't.
This is my high school. I did 5 years here. From 8th grade till 12th grade graduation. I have NEVER seen such a crock of poop. However this video amuses me to NO END because at the 3:50 mark is a guy name Grant Shapolsky. Grant was a student when I was there and he and I used to make out once in a while. Random no strings attached, meet you in the closet or the empty bathroom groping make out sessions.  Lauren Fox the actress/restaurateur at the 4:30 mark was my Student Adviser. I used to frequently yank her out of class and into the bathroom to talk and she would always use the opportunity to snort coke.
Sometimes she would bring a friend in and they would both listen to me and snort coke. She was always polite and asked if I wanted some. I always declined. Stevenson is not as sweet and roses as they might want you to think it is...
http://www.stevenson-school.org/news.cfm?page=211

Bikey, Bikey, Bikey

http://www.thefarmride.com/Home_Page.html
Holy SMOKES I really wanna do this! Really, REALLY REALLY...(Are you seeing a theme here? Not passionate about much but when I get a bee in my bonnet, I usually get what I want.)

This is doable simply thanks to it's location. It's in the Berkshires. My mother will be in the Berkshires at this very same time at our house. Maybe I can convince my sister to be there as well! Northampton is one of my favorite towns EVER and my parents own two homes there (used to own three, had to sell one to pay for the divorce. How stupid is THAT?!)  I keep saying it's where I'm gonna wind up...I would really love to bike through there.

I could go up with my sister on Friday night leave the offspring with them for the weekend and do this bike tour...

I'm going to write them an email right this very second...

Oh and Sarah I PROMISE you I'll train before this one.

Go go go groupie girl...

http://www.getshiprocked.com/

Once again the 16 year old gal REALLY and I mean REALLY REALLY REALLY wants to do this...like she's already packing wants to do this...

The mommy in me knows it's never gonna happen but thinks it would be DELIGHTFUL to get away for a weekend and pretend she's that 16 year old girl again...minus the sex and drinking...

The torch has been passed

On his 5th birthday his older brother decided it was time. Time for his brother the grasshopper to learn the ways of the tribe known as the countercruiser. The elder son has been a member of this tribe for many many sunsets but grasshopper has not been ready before yesterday. Our photographers were lucky enough to have captured the initiation ritual..
Here we see the elder countercruiser in place.

5 years ago today

5 years. 1825 days.
I remember the day you were born like it was yesterday.
Because your brother was a C-Section, we scheduled your birth as a C-Section as well. I was pleased because though it required surgery and needles I wouldn't have to go through all that pain of labor and since your big brother was only 16 months old it saved me from having to scramble to get him into the city. This way I could bring him to Ahma and Emmy and let them watch him while I was busy bringing you into to the world. They would also take care of Humphrey. It was an excellent plan all the way around.
May 5th we all went into the city to spend the night and the plan was the Pop Pop was going to pick us up and take us into the city at 6am.
May 6th at about 3am I woke up, went to pee and passed my mucus plug. That means labor is on it's way and baby is coming.
You have GOT to be kidding me!! Seriously?
I went and woke my mother up and we decided not to call the Dr. since I was headed there anyway and I had no contractions and no pain.
I got into the car with pop pop and daddy and Aunt Rho (my dad's sister who lives in Turkey and visits every summer) and the first labor pain hit. I casually asked them what time it was. Second one came almost immediately after the first. Asked again about the time and daddy turned around and gave me a suspicious look since I'd just asked three minutes prior. When I asked again another 3 mins later Daddy knew what was going on.
Pop Pop just wanted to know if I thought I could make it to the hospital. I said that I could despite the labor pains being hard and fast.
We arrived at the hospital and waited to check in where I cheerfully informed the nice lady that if it wasn't too much of a bother we needed to move things along since I was having massive brutal strong VERY close together contractions. I absolutely refused to be the cliche pregnant chick screaming, dragging her nails across the desk, and freaking out. I was going to be kind and cheerful
We went up to labor and delivery where they put me in a room with another woman who was in labor and hooked me up to the monitor and prepped me for the C-Section. The labor pains were awful at this point and I remember I wanted to stab the other woman in the eye because she had the TV on as loud as it could go watching Saved By The Bell. On my very last nerve. I remember lying there on this tiny very narrow hospital bed with Daddy, Pop Pop and Aunt Rho sitting at the foot of it watching me.
The monitor is a sadistic machine because it charts the contractions before they hit so the three of them knew what was coming before I did and watching them sit there wincing was no fun for me at all.
Then all of a sudden my water broke.
Oh my little Lion are you KIDDING ME?!  Hang in baby...you are scheduled to be cut out of me shortly!
They wheeled me into the OR and the anesthesiologist stuck her huge needle in my back only to have to pull it back out and stick it in again. Without contractions that's no fun. With them? Horrendous.  She came around the table smiled at me and said "Did you gain a lot of weight during this pregnancy? I can't get the needle in. I'm going to have to use a much bigger needle.
Lady, I'm freezing cold, in awful, awful pain, exhausted and now you are telling me I'm TOO FAT FOR A NEEDLE?!  Too much for me to bear and I started to sob hysterically.
After that it's a little fuzzy for me but I remember hearing the Drs. pull you out and I remember hearing you cry for the first time and seeing your beautiful sweet face with those huge huge brown eyes and cupid lips. I fell in love with you madly and deeply.
It's been a roller coaster of a life little man and these past 5 years I wouldn't change for the world.
You are an amazing little boy and I love you heart and soul.
Happy Happy Birthday sweetie pie.

May 6th, 2010

Tomorrow my second born, my baby turns 5.
Where on EARTH has the time gone?

You're so vain

Because I've had this version of the song stuck in my head since I put up the last post:

Ohmygosh

Okay cue "You're so vain" by Carley Simon...
It is my short term vanity weight loss goal to wear a tank top. I've never liked my arms and my stomach looks pregnant.
While I don't care much what others think of me, I'm vain as all hell with an ego the size of Texas. I won't go out in something I don't think I look cute in (except to pick the kids up from school or to boot camp)
I found this shirt on EBAY for $5.00 and I bid on it thinking that it might or might not work on me but if it DOES work won't  look super duper cute?
I got it for the summer months thinking that with my hard work in boot camp and really sticking to my diet maybe by August I'd be able to wear it or maybe not even till next summer.
I tried it on to be sure it fit and I was delighted with how I looked in it right now.

I'm still far from where I want to be but I'm getting closer and this shirt proves it. I like the way I look in a shirt with no sleeves. For me that's HUGE HUGE HUGE HUGE...BIG step in the right direction.
I might even pack this for Disney World...

Biking

Today was amazing. I'm so proud of myself. I did 30 miles after not sitting on a bike for 25 years. Seriously. This morning at 5am was the first time I'd been on my bike.
Up at 2:30 for no reason whatsoever and out the door at 5am on the nose. Rode the bike to the PATH and was in the city by 6am.
Stood around for 2 hours and they counted down from 10 and we were off...sort of. Almost immediately I had to scoot my bike along with my feet because of the crowds. This would be an ongoing theme all day and one of my downfalls.
The stopping and trying to balance or ride super slow and not crash was the worst part of the whole ride. If I'd been able to just move forward at a good pace I think I wouldn't have been so wiped out. Stopping, starting, tensing muscles, collecting bruises on my legs it's exhausting.
And the bridges. Dear LORD the bridges. The hills and the inclines. At mile 15 we were at the Queensboro Bridge and I couldn't do another hill. Not ONE MORE HILL.
I approached a marshal and asked if I could walk my bike up. He said I absolutely could (This after I was told by another marshal at another hill that I couldn't do it and I huffed and puffed to the top) I walked to the top of the Queensboro bridge and tried to ride and immediately my right thigh cramped. I cried. I admit it. I had tears streaming down my face. I didn't want to stop because of a stupid leg cramp but I was so exhausted I got overwhelmed. I pulled over the cramp subsided and I was able to roll on.
Let me tell you something you wouldn't know from being in a car. The up side of a bridge is a bitch and the down side is fucking SCARY. Especially when you don't have hand brakes but rather a bike that brakes by backpedaling.
The Queensboro Bridge is this beast of a down ramp and when you are surrounded by thousands of other bikers your room for wobbling or for error are nill.
Hit the rest stop to refill my water and sit and rest.
After about 1/2 an hour I found the strength to go on and almost immediately ran into a standstill crowd where you eek your bikes along. Not slow enough to dismount but not fast enough to keep your balance either.
I didn't see the demarcation between Queens and Brooklyn but all of a sudden we were at mile 25. I rode on another 5 miles and my tank was empty. I turned a corner and saw another hill and I sat down and called my dad to come and get me.
30 miles was my day and I was done. I couldn't do another hill. I couldn't. The spirit wasn't even willing.
It was 88 degrees today and the sweat and the grit and the grime and the dirt and then my poor butt from my seat. OUCH. I was done.
I feel super accomplished and did better than I thought I would. I wanted to stop so many times and toss in the towel but I didn't. Pushed on and did 30 miles.
My sweet bike got LOTS of compliments from other riders as they passed me. More than once she was called "The coolest bike of the day"
Three riders to my count went down hard enough to need ambulances and I saw more than one person off to the side with a bent wheel or a flat tire.
My beautiful gal soldiered on and never once let me down.
My nose is sunburned my arms are sunburned and I still have the sensation that my sunglasses are on.
I'm exhausted but I had an amazing time and I can't wait till next year!