Tuesday, May 11, 2010

What we wear

Did I ever tell you once upon a time, a super duper long time ago I caused a car accident? Not one that I was involved in silly. I mean, two cars collided because one of the drivers was distracted by me.
It's the truth. Hard to believe it now but I used to turn many, many heads. I used to have a rockin bod and I knew it and used it to my advantage all. the. time.
As a teenager grown men would leer at me and ask
"are those yours?"
"No asshole, I checked them out of the library"
At a very early age I knew that sex was power and power was GOOD.
I had these boots. Boots that only came out when I needed the big guns. These boots were car accident causing boots.
Well, when paired with the itty bitty sleeveless scoopback black spandex dress they were car accident causing boots. They looked almost like these:
except my boots had a beautiful grosgrain ribbon corseted up the back from my knees to my thighs
Similar to these but the ribbon didn't run the full length of the boot. Just the top half.
I wore this outfit to the limelight often (not TOO often. Repeating outfits was bad!) because I was all of 16 and it was a bar and well...that whole pesky 21 and over thing...had to find ways around it.
I stepped out of a cab on the corner and adjusted myself and then did what my father calls the "fuck you strut" which is exactly what it sounds like. The "I'm too good for you eat shit and die" walk. The swagger full of confidence and sexuality and power.
As I'm sashaying towards the club is when the accident happened.  I heard a catcall and then a crash.
Now the only way I'm causing an accident is if I step out into traffic and cars swerve to avoid me...
I can't do the strut anymore either. I've tried but it's gone. I think, much like superman my power came from what I wore, from my costume. As I lose the weight, I find myself eying clothing that's not big and baggy but more form fitting and flattering. My confidence is coming back in small bits as well. I'm going out on Thursday night with some of my mommy pals and it's important to me that I look nice. That's a strange feeling for me. I haven't care how I look in a long time. I mean I care, I'm not going out with holes in my shirt or dirty pants or pajama bottoms and slippers but I've spent so much time hiding my figure because I don't like it.
As the inches come off and the weight slips away I want to go shopping and find cute things, sexy things, grownup things.
Actually this whole journey began because I found Sheryl aka BitchcakesNY
I was so inspired by her and her sense of style that I decided to make the changes that needed to be made.
She continues to inspire and motivate me. Her photos of herself are so wonderful and I love reading all three of her blogs.
Soon I'll be able to rock clothing like I once did and then look out world!
Maybe I need to find those boots again.

No comments: