Tuesday, November 16, 2010


I've wanted to do this for 3 year now.

I haven't done it in the past because the kids weren't potty trained and the time just wasn't right.
I think however, this year my darling husband can handle his offspring for a weekend while I'm away.
Every time I look at this event or any of the other events I sign up for or involve myself in, I always wish I had a BFF or even a close pal who would go with me.

I'm always all by myself.  It's not because I don't ask folks to join me. I'd like to think it's not because they don't want to be with me, but rather it doesn't fit into their schedule or even that I'm doing things that don't interest them.

I'm not uncomfortable alone, but often with this sort of thing you will get packs of gals who attend together. It's not many that go to this sort of thing alone.

That's not a deterrent but it does cause me to reflect on myself and my personality and why I don't have any really close girlfriends. 

My phone rings or I get emails when people need to borrow my baking supplies or equipment or need tips on Disney World but never do I get an email that says "Hey, how about coffee?"

Please don't misunderstand what I'm saying above. I'm not unhappy at my solitude but I do often wonder why my whole life I've had trouble with people. Why is being social so hard for me? Why can't I get close to anyone?

I spent half my life trying so hard to get people to like me and to twist myself to be what I thought others wanted me to be. I learned that wasn't working and it was painful and exhausting and I wound up alone anyway.
I am exactly what you see and though I've tried over the years to tone me down or adjust myself for social situations or to try to be all things to all people, it doesn't work. Ever.

Since I know this about myself I try not to be sad about it but continue on my merry way and do things on my own by myself not letting my singular status keep me from doing things.

At least I like me...

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