Sunday, December 19, 2010

True Words

“A friend is very different from an acquaintance. The former is tried and true; the latter only a casual shadow in one's life.”

Remember that quote I put up a while back? The one about putting up walls to see who cared enough to take them down?
I was careful to be sure that wasn't what I was doing but in isolating myself, I found that many of the folks I was calling friends are nothing more than very casual acquaintances.
That I need to stop chasing these folks because, well, because it's a total waste of my time.

I'm sure in their own way they care for me but clearly not enough to shoot me a text to see how I'm doing when they know I'm having a rough go of it.
That's fine. I'm finally okay with that. They aren't at all obligated to check in with me.
 It just made it crystal clear where I stand with them.

I'm tired of inviting folks to coffee or sending out emails and hearing nothing back.
I keep hearing my mother in my head "Diana, you don't have to be the first to say hi all the time" 

I logged back onto Facebook to get some photos and saw comments about a Christmas party thrown by someone I know that apparently many of our mutual acquaintances got invited to but I did not.

It's not the first time this has happened and I have to see the writing on the wall and eliminate this behavior from my life.
All it does is stir up the 11 year old girl in me and makes me feel awful and unloved inside.

Since I'm not one who can be fake, I need to make a totally clean break from this group.  If I don't, this is going to keep happening and I'm not ever going to be able to heal completely.

It's hard for me to walk away from the only social connections that I have but clearly I'm looking for more from these people than they are willing to give to me.
I cannot allow myself to keep chasing them. It's unfair and unhealthy.

Of course my door will always be open to them for Baking supplies or Disney advice and I will never ever harbor even a drop of ill will towards these ladies. They are all stupendous gals that I respect and admire greatly. (Would I be so into a friendship with them if they weren't?)

I just need to clear the slate.

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