My mother in law passed away sometime last night.
I'm going between incredible calm and semi hysterics.
She was one of the most amazing women I've ever had the pleasure of having in my life and I'm a far better person for it.
She was sick from the day I met her. I never really got the full story but apparently the Drs. gave her some sort of a drug for psoriasis that burned all the cilia off of her lungs and that was the start of the end. To combat the heart issues and the lack of lung capacity they put her on steroids which destroyed her bones and her body.
I got super close to her when we were planning my wedding. She was the one who helped me with everything and then she got really sick with 3 blood clots and was this close to death and couldn't come to our wedding.
Since then, she and I have talked almost every day on the phone and I've always tried to keep her upbeat and happy and talk her through the dark days and the days with pain and massive depression.
No matter how much pain she was in, no matter how she was hurting (and this woman was one tough cookie. She had root canals done with no Novocaine!) she never complained, never whined and I often had to drag out of her how she was really feeling.
She was more than a mother in law. She was a friend and we often said if I lived closer, and she were healthier we would have been dangerous together out shopping or going to lunch.
I was in a lot of ways, closer to her than was to my own mother. Though I knew she was going to be leaving us soon, I didn't think it would be this soon.
We went to see her yesterday at his dad's request and she was in very bad shape. I'm glad we go to see her and I got to tell her that I loved her one last time.
Now I have to be strong and try to be support for my father in law and my sweet husband who keeps breaking down at random moments in hysterics.
Death while welcome by the sick, truly sucks for those left behind.
Mike isn't sure he can speak at the funeral and if he can't, I'm going to step in and do it.
As you can tell from reading this blog, I'm not the best at writing or speaking and so I asked my mother for a suggestion for a poem or a passage and she found this perfect poem by Anne Bronte
Farewell - Anne Bronte
Farewell to thee! but not farewell
To all my fondest thoughts of thee:
Within my heart they still shall dwell;
And they shall cheer and comfort me.
O, beautiful, and full of grace!
If thou hadst never met mine eye,
I had not dreamed a living face
Could fancied charms so far outvie.
If I may ne'er behold again
That form and face so dear to me,
Nor hear thy voice, still would I fain
Preserve, for aye, their memory.
That voice, the magic of whose tone
Can wake an echo in my breast,
Creating feelings that, alone,
Can make my tranced spirit blest.
That laughing eye, whose sunny beam
My memory would not cherish less; -
And oh, that smile! whose joyous gleam
Nor mortal language can express.
Adieu, but let me cherish, still,
The hope with which I cannot part.
Contempt may wound, and coldness chill,
But still it lingers in my heart.
And who can tell but Heaven, at last,
May answer all my thousand prayers,
And bid the future pay the past
With joy for anguish, smiles for tears?
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