Going Forward

Lion and I went to visit his new classroom today. His new teacher is clearly no nonsense. Firm but fair. She's not going to take any of Bri's guff for a second.

Part of me really really likes her and part of me wants to hide my son away to shield him from the conflicts and head butting that I KNOW is going to go on between them.

I know it will be good for him. Up to this point, everyone has had a gentle, patient, kind hand with him and it hasn't worked. Maybe a firmer approach is what he needs.

Only time will tell.

After we visited, we went to the playground to pick up PJ and to blow off some steam.

Lion had brought his rather large Hess truck with him and on the playground he was playing very nicely until he wasn't.

One of his classmates ran to his mom sobbing that Lion had hit him in the head with the truck. I immediately brought Bri over and made him apologize. I apologized as well and was turning to walk away when the mother said to her son:

"Stay away from him"

meaning her son should stay away from Lion and not play with him.

To be fair, Lion DID hit her son with a truck and he was the bully of the classroom but it didn't stop me from playing out her very dramatic death scene at my hands in my head.

I have said the same words to my children on the playground (and ironically the last time I said them they were regarding her son!)

Knowing that parents think my kid is a bully and are advising their kids not to play with him is an awful feeling as a parent.

After I mentally killed her, I considered approaching her to apologize for anything else Lion might have done to her precious child and to let her know that we were moving classrooms so she wouldn't have to worry about him anymore.

I didn't though. I sat there, listening to her stage whisper with her friends, with her back turned to me trying not to be paranoid but sure she was talking about me.

Actually if she were talking about me, that would be fine. I don't give a rat's rear end what you say about me. (My best friend and I used to have a saying "Say what you want about me, just be sure to spell my name right")

If she was gossiping (And I used to be the queen of it and I know all the body language and mannerisms that come with it) she was telling her two friends about Lion.

Of course, I could be way off base and they were just talking about the weather and general school stuff.

I am so hoping that this new classroom works for Lion and he can start to show these kids and parents what an amazing, fun friend he can be.

Change is good

"If nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies"

Today I had a meeting with Lion's team.
It has been 3 weeks since our last official meeting.
We all decided that despite all the tools, tricks, rewards, charts and ideas we've attempted to implement it's still not working in a mainstream classroom.

We have decided to put him in a special needs classroom and see how he does there. He's not going to be with his old classmates, but rather will be in an inclusion classroom that has kids in the 2nd grade so that the work is more challanging to him.

I think this is a good change and I'm hoping that the smaller class size, the students that are more like him, the teacher who is trained in special needs.

I've never heard his new teachers name but the team seemed to really like her and feel it would be a good fit. Since I trust them I go to this new teacher and classroom with totaly open arms.

We will go to school early today, before pickup to give our card to Lion's teacher and to meet his new teacher and see the new classroom.

He will begin in the new class tomorrow morning.

Fingers crossed....

PACKING!!!

Packing is totally stressing me!

Normally when we take a vacation I pack for 4 people with no stress at all. I'm only packing for two and I'm flipping out!

Why? Beacuse when we go to Disney World, we ship everything down. I ship all our clothing, all our toiletries, everything. We have less than nothing with us in the airport each time.

I can't ship our clothing to the boat. It all has to come with us. That wouldn't be such an issue if hubs and I weren't so hellbent on carrying everything on the plane with us and checking no bags. We both feel that the $25 per checked bag fees are INSANE and want to attempt to avoid them.

I put everything we are taking in spacebags. Between the two of us, we have 5 spacebags (and I haven't packed the two pairs of jeans my honey insists on taking with him yet!)

The airline guidelines for carryon bags says:


Continental will permit one bag plus one personal item (see below), per customer to be carried on the aircraft.
 The maximum combined linear measurement (length + width + height) of carry-on bags must not exceed 14 inches x 9 inches x 22 inches (23 x 35 x 56 cm) or 45 linear inches (114 cm).
Please note: All carry-on items must be stowed under the seat in front of you or in the overhead bin. Items may not be stowed in the seat back pocket. Any item in excess of carry-on baggage size or allowance requirements as listed above will be checked to your final destination and may be subject to applicable checked baggage fees.
 
Personal items
 
In addition to the one carry-on item, you may bring free-of-charge the below items:
 one small personal article such as a briefcase, purse, day planner, small laptop computer, camera case, compact disk player or similar sized personal entertainment item

 personal aid devices such as wheelchairs, braces, canes, crutches, prosthetic devices and walking sticks, provided passenger is dependent on them
 one infant article such as a small collapsible stroller, a diaper bag or a government approved child seat (larger strollers can be checked in the jetway prior to boarding the aircraft)

 full-size video game consoles (for example Playstation®, X-box®, or Nintendo®), full-size DVD players, and video cameras that use video cassettes (must be removed from carrying cases and submitted separately for x-ray screening)
 Try as I could, I could not get all 5 spacebags in our new suitcase that falls exactly within their carryon bag guidelines.
I was able to slam 3 in there and it's NOT happy.

We need a second carry on bag. So here is how it's shaking down right now.

Husband/human pack mule will have:
Rolling Suitcase - Main Carryon
Backpack - Personal Item
CPAP breathing machine (He has sleep Apena and beacuse this machine is a medical necessity they don't count it among his bags)

I will have:
Leopard Duffle bag - Main Carryon (this is the second necessary bag for the overflow of spacebags)
Clear Backpack -  Personal Item (I might change this to my pink vinyl bag. We will see)

My purse and assorted nonesnse will be in the backpack.

I feel better after typing all this out.

End Scene

It's Friday. This very very long week is at an end and we welcome the weekend. I will spend this weekend packing for our trip and dreaming of some peace and quiet.

We leave on Wednesday evening and I feel like having Lion home this week has put me behind schedule on my planning and preperation.

No school on Monday means that day is shot so I have Tuesday and Wednesday to get all my errands run.

Of course, while I know what I have to do, I'm really leary and hesitant to go very far from my phone or too far away from the school.

I adore my small son. He's an awesome kid but I currently feel like I'm being held prisioner by him and his behaviors. 

I'm afraid to leave my apartment or to make plans beacuse if the school needs me to come and get him, I want to be able to be there as quickly as possible.

I am emotionally drained by all of this and on more than one occassion have wished that someone else can step in and handle all of this for a little while.

We have a follow up meeting with his full IEP team and his teacher on Tuesday to figure out what to do going forward.


“The important thing about a problem is not its solution, but the strength we gain in finding the solution”

Outlook

"Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense. This day is all that is good and fair. It is too dear, with its hopes and invitations, to waste a moment on yesterdays."
Ralph Waldo Emerson

We spent 45 minutes with the Doctor tonight and despite Brian showing some of the non compliant agressive behavior with him that he does with his teachers (Told the dr. to shut up, stop asking questions, told him he was going to kick him, opened the door and tried to leave...) at the end of the session we had no more answers than we do now.

He's going to call Lion's case manager tomorrow and talk to her to see if he can glean anymore information on what is going on but he said he cannot give me a solid diagnosis based on what he saw and what I told him.

He did not mention a follow up appt or suggest that we schedule one. Perhaps after he talks to the school?

Lion and I will take Pats to school tomorrow and then we will go up to his case manager's office and see what she thinks about sending him back to class.

No firm diagnosis, no paperwork in hand, no new label or answers means we are exactly where we were yesterday and the day before that and the one before that.

Tomorrow my outlook will be more posititive. Right now I'm wiped out and drained.

My blog

Stopped by the office and found Brian's case manager there getting her notes on Bri ready to fax to the Doctor.
I know she carries a serious workload and Bri isn't her only student and yet she has a way of making me feel like he's the most important and I always leave our interactions feeling hopeful.

Hopeful is clearly my word of the week regarding this situation.

She told me Bri can return to school tomorrow and since it's only half a day I think it's a good day as any to try again. If he's a total terror at least his poor teacher and the team only have to handle him for a little while.

On another note she mentioned my blog so someone has told them it exists and I'm writing here.
I attempt to live my life meaning what I say and saying what I mean. 

These entries are all written from the perspective of a mother bear who will at times be frustrated by people or situations or events.

I share the entries on Facebook and can't control who forwards what to whom.

I'm glad that his team might poke their heads in here from time to time. To me it means they care for Lion and want to see what is going on while he is at home and get my perspective on what is going on.

I say welcome and thank you for caring for my little guy the way you all do.

Hope

"Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: You don't give up."

Tomorrow at 4pm Brian has an appointment for his Psychiatric Evaluation.
He was sent home yesterday suspended until he receives a Evaluation from a Psychiatrist. The school wants to be sure there isn't more to his anger and rage and violent behavior than just the PDD-NOS.

Today was a weird day for me. I wasn't sure if I should treat this whole thing like a punishment or as just a day off from school. I'm not sure he really understands what is going on or why he's not in school.

I don't know how to feel or act or think because I don't know what we are dealing with. Not knowing how to treat your own child is a very odd feeling.

I love my Lion and want him to know that whatever this is, whatever he's going through he's not alone and I'm with him every single step of this battle and will always be with him no matter what.

I went with that and he and I spent a low key day together.

A hell of a lot is hinging on this appointment tomorrow. A lot of folks are waiting to read his report and see his official diagnosis. A lot of folks are hoping this guy can tell us what we are seeing, what my son is going through and what, if anything we can do to help him deal with it, manage it, live with it.

Part of me wants him to find something, to diagnosis yet another disorder in my son so I have another monster to battle. Put a name, a label on what this is so I can dig my claws and fangs into it and fight it and help my son make peace with whatever this is.

I want him to tell me he knows where all this anger and hatred and violence is coming from and I want to be able to go back to school and tell them that he's fixable and will be okay.

The other side of me isn't sure I want to hear that my poor sweet guy has more demons he needs to battle, more labels, more hurdles, more obstacles. I don't want life to be any harder for him than it is right now.

I do not think I am going to sleep very well tonight.

School

I'm exhausted. I'm completely drained. I woke up not feeling well and after I realized that there was no way I could take the kids to school I had a good friend take them for me. 9:15am and my phone rings. It's the school calling me to see if I can come in to discuss Lion.

Clearly a mother is not allowed to be ill. I knew they wouldn't call if it wasn't important so I dragged my carcass to school for a sitdown with his case manager and the school psychologist.

They were both concerned with the ongoing violence Lion has shown in the classroom and yesterday he apparently threw hand sanitizer at a teacher. Since this is a chemical that act is considered a simple assault. 

They decided that Lion is too much of a risk to keep in the class and told me that he has to come home with me and will not be allowed back in school till I have a full psych eval done on him.

I agreed to get the eval done but questioned what we do after the eval since it's not going to change a thing and doesn't help his behavior at all. They said they didn't really know.  This honesty does not inspire much confidence.

He's home with me and I've spend most of my morning calling all sorts of child psychologists trying to get an appoinement.

My big concern is that this behavior that he exhibits at school, this anger and violence doesn't ever carry over to home. Sure he gets cranky and mad but not like he does at school. 

He's currently watching "The Electric Company" happy as a clam.

I am at a loss here. No one feels he would fit in in the special needs classroom or even the middleground inclusion classroom but he clearly isn't fitting in with the class he's in now so what do I do?

I've finally heard back from a doctor who has an appt for Bri at 4pm on Thursday. This is both good and bad news. He will be home with me for the next two days and then Friday is half a day and Monday is no school.

I am hoping this doctor can pull a bunny out of his hat and tell me something I don't know about my kid because I'm seriously looking into home schooling...