Thursday, July 5, 2012

Who I am...

On Tuesday my father took the pups & I to the Paramus Park Mall here in NJ to do the once a month Lego Store free build.
We coordinated it with one of Pats classmates who is also a Lego freak. He met us there with his grandmother & aunt.
We all went out to dinner together after & had a great time.

Today at school, the boys mom told me that her son had a fantastic time and that her mother said
"Diana is so nice & so NORMAL"

This of course cracked me up as did the face the mother made when she relayed this to me.

I am no stranger to this reaction & truth be told, it never fails to delight me.

I LOVE decimating first impressions.

I look in the mirror & I see me. I see a woman who knows exactly who she is & is comfortable not being normal or mainstream. I also know that I'm a well educated, intelligent, kind, compassionate, trusting, open person who would be an asset to anyone who wanted to add me to their collection of friends or acquaintances.

I am however, quite aware that my appearance can be confusing & if you were to judge me based only on how I look, I suppose I might fit into a typical stereotype of being uneducated, uniformed, angry, unhappy, rebellious and anti establishment. I suppose you might think I do drugs or drink and spend time out partying away from my kids.

Would it surprise you to know that I've never ever done a drug in my life stronger than the Morphine they gave me at the hospital when I had the boys?
Would you be shocked if I told you I don't drink booze & I'm not a recovering alcoholic?
Would your head fall off if I told you my Friday & Saturday nights are spent cruising Pintrest?
How would you react if I told you we are Disney Vacation Club members with Season Passes & we go to Disney World two or three times a year?

I'm not actually sure WHAT people think when they see me. I do know my appearance (while to me is really REALLY toned down and dialed back) is confusing to some & it causes snap judgements that are almost always wrong.

Yes, I'm a 39 year old mother who carries a Hello Kitty purse. Yes, those are pink extensions in my hair. Yup. My converse have glitter on them. Yes, my nails are bright green. Why yes! That IS a skull on my shirt. Absolutely. That is a real tattoo.

Stop. Take a deep breath. This is my shell. This is my outside & not what counts. I look the way I look because it is how I am comfortable. Because I am  comfortable with me, I am happy. Because I am happy, I am able to be a well adjusted, "normal" adult.

There is a fantastic line from a song that I've carried with me since I first heard it"Who I am and what you think of me just might not be the same"

 Come have a conversation with me. Get to know me. I'm rather certain you will find I am none of the things you think that I am.

I spent so much time as a kid trying to be like everyone else. Trying to fit in & be something I wasn't. The harder I tried, the more rejection I came up against.

By age 13 who I was was firmly in place & established. I have never spent another day uncomfortable with who I am.

I know lots of you think "You are 39, it's time to grow up".
My own husband tells me that every single time I threaten to dye my whole head pink again. 

But I AM grown up. I'm a kick ass mommy, raising two awesome boys.  WHY can't I be a good mom AND have fun colored hair? Because YOU think there is a cut off age for the things I love?

 My own mother was outraged when my hair was hot pink.
I was the mother of two little boys. Having pink hair was IRRESPONSIBLE.

Really mom? Funny, I thought teaching my kids that they should be who they are and rock it (whatever it turns out to be) loud and proud actually makes me a very responsible parent. If you can't love who you are, you won't ever be able to love anyone else.
Would having a full tattoo sleeve make me any less of a grownup? Would a lunchbox for a purse suddenly cause me to be unable to carry on an adult conversation?

Of COURSE not. It all goes back to that whole compartmentalizing thing we humans like to do. You go here, this behavior ends on this birthday, you can't wear this past this age.

Any of you know how old the AMAZING Patricia Field is?  She is 71 years old.
The amazing Vivenne Westwood is the same age. Betsy Johnson is 70.

There is NO cut off age on being true to who you are.

I'm teaching my kids to be kind to all & reserve their judgements on most. To see people for what's on the inside & not the outside.

The point here? Don't go by first impressions. They are so often wrong.

No comments: