July 23rd,2007

The death of a friend

How can this be?
It wasn't supposed to happen like this lady.
Not this young. Not now. Not ever but really not now.
She was my sister, my mother and my best friend, my partner in crime.
If you had told me when we were 12,13,14,15 that she was going to die before the age of 35 I would have called you a liar.
I just can't seem to wrap my head around the fact that she's not here anymore.
We used to joke with each passing birthday that we needed walkers with racing stripes and Geritol and now I'm really going to be the only one who will need them because she's not going to get any older.
I just...I'm sitting here sobbing remembering all the giddy stupid nights we spent at her dad's place getting ready to go to some show or some club.
Remembering how much she loved life and how everyone around here was affected by her. Not one person got away unscathed. EVERYONE knew she was a special lady and love her or hate her you were changed after having met her.
We haven't been close in recent years and I've missed her.
She never met Brian my youngest son and really only saw PJ when he was a small fry.
When I talk about her thought I still call her my best friend beacuse to me she is. There will never be another Chrissy. No one will ever take her spot as my best friend.
I have a vault of memories that were just she and I. No one else shared them and now I'm the only one.
If I mention Round up Ranch and the lost sweatshirt not one of you will get it but she would. If I yelled "Squidlinks" you wuold all look at me weird but she would crack up laughing.
If I said to you "Say it with flowers" you would think of FTD but she and I had a whole nother meaning for it.
The list goes on and on and on.
She and I knew each other for 30 years. Since 2nd grade. That's a hell of a long time and a hell of a lot of history.
I'm gonna miss you girl like nobodys business.
I'm not sure what I'm going to do in this world knowing you aren't in it anymor