Tuesday, December 2, 2008


PJ started school last year (Hoboken has an Abbott program that accepts 3 and 4 year olds) but because The Lion and his intense therapies were my primary focus, I did not have time for the park and did not have time for play dates.
This year I have both The Lion and PJ in school same building, two different programs a floor apart.
After school at the start of the year we were at the park every single day and so was it seemed half of PJ's class.
I found this really really really really groovy mommy that wouldn't accept my being a loner on the other side of the playground.
PJ LOVES her son and I love her and her son is really good with Lion so it's cool.
My concern was that PJ and this other kid play VERY rough with each other.
I mean rough to the point where other parents were giving us funny looks for allowing the behavior to go on.
This is going to sound like a typical mother "my kid can do no wrong" but I SWEAR it's not.
PJ is rough and can hold his own but in this relationship he's the submissive dom. (IS there such a thing? For the sake of this situation there is now)
His friend is clearly clearly Alpha pup.
Other parents have eluded to not wanting their kids around this kid beacuse he's so aggressive. (They know I'm good friends with his mommy though and so they don't say too much)
I don't want PJ to have the same reputation beacuse I KNOW he is a multi-faceted kid.
I know he can be kind and gentle and compassionate and I've seen him be kind and gentle with his brother and other little kids.
I was going to have to suck it up and make nice with the other parents.

A little rewind on my history before the present can make any sort of sense:
I am the most anti-social mother out there. Actually truth be told I've always been anti social or awkward in social situations.
As a little girl I was the most unpopular kid in school.
I had no friends, I was invited to parties beacuse I had to be and when that rule didn't apply then I just wasn't invited.
I ate lunch alone and was picked on and made fun of.
I finally figured out that I am no good at being social. Being around people exhausts me.
I am happiest when I am alone.
I am uncomfortable with small talk and my humor tends to be on the brash side.
I am not a girly girl. I am a punk-ish mommy and while I'm comfortable with who I am not everyone else is.

Normally I'd tell the world to go fuck itself and slam the door but this time it's not just me. My two small guys need friends. They need to be social.
The playground is really rather painful for me. I have no catchy opening lines to start a conversation with other parents and am usually good with the "Hi, how are you's" and then that's it.
I can usually be found sitting on a bench by myself.

I learned a long time ago that Shakespeare was right "To thine own self be true" and so I don't pretend to fit in or be like the other mommies.
I wear my pink docs and my black patent leather docs to the playground and while the other mom's are carrying Coach diaper bags I have my custom hot pink and white glitter vinyl monster with faux leopard lining. One of my very astute friends commented that I'm the poison dart frog of the playground.

While other animals use camouflage to blend in and not be eaten the Poison Dart Frog wears bright colors to tell predators don't come near me. I'm icky and dangerous.
Maybe she's right.

So now here I am, as introverted as they come, and the mother of two little boys who crave social interaction.
As I said I didn't want PJ to be blacklisted or branded as something he is not thereby ruining any chance of other friends and other play dates.
Thankfully there is a wonderful mother to a beautiful little girl in PJ's class who mast have taken pity on me after a few superficial conversations in the park invited us to her house for a play date.
I was nervous. I begged the boys in urgent hushed tones to PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE be good and play nice.
Thankfully it went really well and the mom made me feel very comfortable and it was very easy to be with her.
I immediately invited them to our home for a reciprocal play date. That too went well. Is this what it was like? This wasn't too hard to do. I could handle this!
Lion's classroom is a whole other ball of wax. The mothers in that room are bonded and have established friendship and have made it clear that none of them want to get to know me.
I've been to two class events (A field trip and a Thanksgiving party) and both I spent alone or with Lion.
If his teacher didn't talk to me I wouldn't have said a word to anyone that whole day.
I just don't think they know what to do with me.
I'm the mother who drops and leaves. I don't hang around the classroom. When Brian is having a tantrum I don't stay to console him because I know it won't help. It must look horrible though.
It really feels like junior high in that classroom only this time when I'm ignored it makes me laugh and shake my head...

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