Merry Christmas

 The beautiful, unique, Christiana. There will never ever be another human like her anywhere. 

Since we lost her not one single day has gone by that I don't in some form think of her.
This time of year however, I have one very specific memory that never fails to make me smile no matter how many times I play it over in my head.

We were about 17 years old and had our brand new drivers licenses and she had that amazing car that you see in the photo above. We had spent the day Christmas shopping, getting her tree, running around from mall to mall and just loving our happy, carefree lives.

Earlier that year we had gone to see Anthrax play and at Christmas they had released a new single of their new album. The song was their rap metal number "I'm the man" We each picked up a copy of the single on cassette but waited till we got back to my place to slap it into my boom box.
With that song cranking we decorated the window in my room with fake snow. We went through 3 bottles of the stuff writing our favorite bands names and silly designs.

I remember just being happy and the two of us giggling and gossiping and planning our outfits for the upcoming weekend.
It was just one of those pure happy, hanging out with the (at that time) one person who made me happy, who understood and loved me for who and what I was. She always made me feel safe and understood.

My point behind sharing this?

It isn't always the big moments that count.
They ALL count.
Moments that you think mean nothing or aren't of any special significance can end up being a favorite or important memory.
Some of my favorite memories with her are just driving in our cars, or being in a mall.
Not events or celebrations (though I have lovely memories of those too) but how she made me always feel important and loved and worthy even when she wasn't saying a word.

During this time of year when we are with those we love (if you are lucky) tuck away some of the quieter moments. Pay attention to the smaller stuff. A laugh, a look, a story, a moment shared. They all count, but so often we don't realize it till it's too late and all we have are those memories to look back on.

Here is Anthrax doing "I'm the man" It's a nice festive holiday ballad

Merry Christmas all of you!