Weaning

It's been almost 2 weeks since I dumped Facebook and now I think I might do the same with Twitter. I'm left with the same pathetic needy feeling over there that I was with Facebook.

I feel like I'm the idiot kid jumping up and down asking everyone to look at me and pretending not to care when no one does.

I have to get out of this need to belong to something, this desire to be a part of something somewhere. There was a time when I was okay standing alone and I need to get back there. Clearly it's where I'm meant to be.

I wish I knew why I get so exhausted by other people and why I have such a hard time with relationships.

I need to push forward and continue to set goals for myself and seek time with the folks who really care for me. (I do have two dates planned with good pals. One tomorrow and lunch on Tuesday so I'm not completely isolating myself.)

Next week the weather is supposed to be nice but cold all week. I'm going to set a goal of doing the stairs at my mom's building at least 3 days next week and I'm going to take myself to Chinatown for Dim Sum and I'm going to visit the holiday markets at Union Square and at Bryant Park.

I think part of this funk I'm in is because I'm not out doing things and I have more time to sit and over think everything.

I owe my solitude to other people.
Alan Watts