The Brooklyn Holiday Experiment

Today was a ton of fun. I'm completely wiped out though.
I walked out of my home today leaving behind a cranky husband because he had to turn down Giants tickets to allow me to to this event today and two children who promised me they would be on their best behavior.
Headed to the city to pick my sister up and off we went to Brooklyn.

As a small aside, the weather today. What's up with this insane cold? It was about 30 degrees when we got out of the subway and had to walk 3 long blocks to the venue.

The Bell House is one hell of a cool spot. Really nice looking, warm, elegant place.
Took Ems and I all of 10 mins to set ourselves up and at 4pm the doors opened and the people! HOLY SMOKES. Packed from wall to wall with folks.

We were stuck in the back and at first we had no visitors and I was getting nervous. Did folks not like gingerbread? That was absurd and impossible so that couldn't be it. Then it hit me. They are eating food first and then they would do dessert and sure enough all at once they descended on us well, like elves on gingerbread.

By the end of the evening I'm left with less than 50 of the 350 bites that I made.
I didn't get a chance to taste any of the other food because the lines were crazy but it all looked fantastic.
No prizes but the folks that kept coming back over to tell me how good the gingerbread was was enough for me. Three or four folks told me they voted for me and that completely made my night.

I didn't really expect to win but I'm really glad I went and I'm hoping that Theo and Nick have another cook off that I can bake for.
They are supremely organized and two sweeter guys I'm not sure you will find! Though I knew no one but my sister when we got there, my competitors were super warm and friendly and supportive. I felt welcome to this new world and very comfortable.
I went to have a good time and that's exactly what I had!

Click on the pictures to enlarge

The first draft of the display. The bottom looked too naked so we added more to the table. We were also up on a sort of a riser so it was super hard for folks to see what we had. I spent much of my night handing them out to people rather than allowing them to grab on their own.

Everyone getting set up

What we looked like at the start. Thank GOD my sister has catering experience because she kept the table full all night long.

Me and my gorgeous sister.

Close up of the cuties

At the end of the night

Our neighbor took this photo from her area.

We had nothing left on the table at the end.

Today

I've been baking since yesterday and I'm in decent shape. I need another 50 trees but I'm out of eggs so I have to wait till I can get to the store this morning to get them to make another batch. I am by nature a very unorganized person so I'm trying super hard to get as organized as I can for this thing so I leave nothing behind and have everything ready to go.
The only other loose end I have to take care of is a sign which I'll print at my mom's place today when I go to pick up my sister.
I'm tired though! This is a whole lotta work and I think if I don't touch or smell or eat Gingerbread again for the next decade I'm good. 
For the record, no. I haven't eaten any. Not even one little bite. I'm relying on my testers to tell me how they are.

Holiday Food Experiment

So it turns out I won't be alone on Sunday after all! My beautiful sister will be by my side.
Here is a newer rough version of the display.
Click to enlarge.

I'm going to find some funky wrapping paper to lay down on the round parts so it doesn't look so bare and icky... I'm going 100% over the top with this display!

It's now 3:17am and I'm wide awake and can't sleep. It seems that the less sleep I get, the more garish and over the top this poor display is getting.

Sunday should be a whole lot of fun.
Tomorrow is baking day!

Weaning

It's been almost 2 weeks since I dumped Facebook and now I think I might do the same with Twitter. I'm left with the same pathetic needy feeling over there that I was with Facebook.

I feel like I'm the idiot kid jumping up and down asking everyone to look at me and pretending not to care when no one does.

I have to get out of this need to belong to something, this desire to be a part of something somewhere. There was a time when I was okay standing alone and I need to get back there. Clearly it's where I'm meant to be.

I wish I knew why I get so exhausted by other people and why I have such a hard time with relationships.

I need to push forward and continue to set goals for myself and seek time with the folks who really care for me. (I do have two dates planned with good pals. One tomorrow and lunch on Tuesday so I'm not completely isolating myself.)

Next week the weather is supposed to be nice but cold all week. I'm going to set a goal of doing the stairs at my mom's building at least 3 days next week and I'm going to take myself to Chinatown for Dim Sum and I'm going to visit the holiday markets at Union Square and at Bryant Park.

I think part of this funk I'm in is because I'm not out doing things and I have more time to sit and over think everything.

I owe my solitude to other people.
Alan Watts

Boot Camp

Today I brought my camera in to Boot Camp and asked David to take some photos and videos of me. It's important for me to be able to see what I'm doing and where I am and where I'm going if I'm going to stay motivated. 

I admit when he started taking photos I initially felt a little self conscious and silly for appearing so vain.

Once I got home and was able to see the stuff he shot I'm really glad I asked him to do it.

I rock and I rock hard. I'm well on my way to being a total bad ass and there is NOTHING you can do about it!
This was by far the hardest I think I've ever pushed myself in Boot Camp.
This was at the end of a class full of Cardio (I JOGGED PEOPLE!) which always kicks my ass. I had originally wanted to do an overhead press and walk the loading dock with the 35 pound weight today but it was pouring so David came up with this masochistic idea.
I had asked him if we could do more step ups onto the tire as I'd really felt it in my calves in a way I hadn't before. Damn it if he didn't just put the two things together for me.
I initially protested the idea with such a heavy weight. My legs were already tired from running and doing side shuffles and running backwards. No WAY I could get them to cooperate to step up as high as I have to to get to the top of that tire and not with 40 pounds!
I pushed through and did it though!
I did about 10 or 15 reps and David only got the last few on tape.


There is an Alice Cooper song called "Hello Hooray". It's one of my favorites. It's all about anticipating and planning for a big goal and having it finally come to reality.In the middle of it he sings "I feel strong. So strong. I feel so strong" I'm always motivated by that song and it's exactly the way  felt today after doing this.

I love that feeling and that's why I keep pushing the weights and to see how far I can get myself to go and see where I can't do anymore.
The rush after accomplishing something like this for me is amazing. I feel proud and strong and accomplished. All the things I'm striving for!

My Kiddos

I was going to put up a post about Boot Camp and then I found these old videos of my little Lion. He's about 3 here and just started to talk.








and one of my absolute  FAVORITE Patrick videos.

Christiana Dream

I woke up tonight from a dream about Chrissy.
I've dreamed about her before but in all the dreams prior, I run into her as I'm in the middle of going somewhere or doing something and I'm elated to see her and promise I'll come right back to her and then I never get back to her.
Frustrating dreams to say the least.
This one, this one was different though.
I was at some restaurant or bar with all my mommy pals only I was watching them all outside while I was alone inside. (Gee, no dream analysis needed there!) I got into some fight with some random guy at the bar and walked out.
Standing outside, Chrissy runs up to me and of course she's been gone and dead so I am more than elated to see her.
My dream cuts to the barn where we are putting horses away and breaking down tack and her mother is there with us.
Alice Cooper was in the dream too and he and I were pals.
She and I talked like she was never gone and I wasn't in any rush to go anywhere despite my talking about the kids a few times.
The dream was so real and so vivid I could hear her laugh and feel her hair and smell her perfume.
She was with me tonight. I know she was.
I woke up crying and can't get back to sleep.
I miss her and I miss her friendship most of all. I miss that she loved me and wanted to be with me despite all the mistakes I made along the way. She loved me for who I was and always made me feel important and special.