Domestic Doldrums

I'm addicted to Facebook. (Those on my friends list let me apologize right now for my endless stream of every 30 second updates. I'm sure many of you have me blocked and I wouldn't blame you and won't hold it against you)

The nice thing about Facebook is that it's allowed me to find people from my past that I would never have found otherwise.
With that however I have begun to feel a little left out. Many of my pals are still single with no kids and they are planning art shows, drag shows, vacations, events, they go to clubs, (did I mention vacations?) galleries, out to eat (did I mention vacations?) and appear to have a grand time doing it.

I see lots of my friends out there loud and proud being EXACTLY who they want to be doing EXACTLY what they want to be doing and never once apologizing for it.

I no longer dye my hair or get my nails done because I don't have the time to dedicate to the upkeep of either. I don't go shopping because really, where the hell do I go other than to and from school to get the kids?

Back in 2006 my hair was neon pink. I was so damn happy. I loved that color. PT and my mother shut it down. PT said "This isn't high school anymore" and my mother said it was irresponsible. I gave into peer pressure and dyed it back to a natural color.



I haven't had it colored since.

I'm dying for a couple of new tattoos. PT doesn't like them and so I've pestered him for 12 years to get a new one and so far nothing.

There are days when I feel like I'm drowning. Not being allowed to be who I am. If however I was given the freedom to not have to make the cupcakes and take them to school, to dye my hair, to go on trips, to tattoo head to toe would that make me happy?

I of course know the answer. No, no it would not. Not for one tiny second. To have those freedoms would mean that I didn't have PT and I didn't have my boys. Without them I'm lost.

So I'll roll on with my natural colored hair and tattoo free arms and yes, when I see someone with pink hair and tattoos I'll feel envious but only for a second and then I'll remind myself about how happy PJ was when I made cupcakes and took them to his classroom or how Lion runs to greet me each day when I pick him up from school.

I'm blessed and I know it. Once in a while though I get the domestic doldrums...

Yesterday when I picked up the boys from school one of the gals from the office who keeps an eye on the classroom and really is a friend to parents and kids got me in the hall. This is not the first time this month. It seems my angelic little Lion is doing a whole lot more lashing out at his classmates and yesterday he punched a kid and made him bleed.
She said that the school psychologist wants to meet with both of us to see what we can do to get a handle on the seemingly escalating violent behavior.
Of course I'm open to this meeting and welcome it even. I will never turn down assistance or advice on how to parent better from those who know.

I've been trying to figure out how to approach this meeting. I'm going to go in with an open mind and open heart but at the same time I want to make them understand that I KNOW what is going on and why he behaves this way. I know because he's always behaved this way. It's nothing new.

Lion does not share well. (My telling you this is like my telling you that NYC has a few people living in it) One of the traits that comes with the PDD-NOS is stunted social skills.
Lion is learning slowly how to play with his new friends and how to interact. Sharing is of course one of the basic skills needed to be social. Lion will not share. Okay that's an overstatement. Let's say when he does share it's always a surprise to me and always brings a smile to my face. It's that rare a bird.

The typical interaction will be someone asking him for toys, asking him to share something he has. Lion's answer will almost always be NO. If the issue is pushed by the other child ie: another request for the toy or game or book, the request will again be denied but with more force.
The no is more emphatic and louder and often his body language will become defensive and ready to fight. He will often cover the toy with his body or turn around so his back is to the child.
Kids being what they are will at this point react in one of four ways and their reaction will determine how Lion behaves.
They will either
1. Walk away
2. Get mad at Lion and yell
3. Try to take the toy anyway
4. Knock down or try to break whatever he has. (the whole if I can't have it you can't either thing)

One and two give the other kid a chance of walking away unharmed. Three and four will always set him off like well...like a Lion. He will bite, hit throw, slap, kick the other child.

If his language skills were stronger, if they were where they should be he would tell them he's angry and what they did was mean. He would try to use words rather than hands and feet. Lion doesn't have those skills yet. He's a little more primal than his classmates.

Consider your dog. What does the dog do when you try to take his food? He hunkers down and often will growl at you. If you make another pass at his food he's likely to lash out at you and try to bite you.

Same thing.

I don't know for sure but I'd bet my bottom dollar that all of the incidences with Lion have happened when the issue of sharing comes into play.

I want to explain all this to them but I need to go in without a chip on my shoulder and a little bit of humility. While I know my son better than anyone else they have seen hundreds of kids march through these classrooms and I'm guessing they know and have seen things I haven't even thought of.

As a parent it's such a hard line to walk. I want to make them understand WHY Lion does what he does. Make them see the reason behind his actions. I want to defend my son and I want to show them he's an amazing kid with so much potential but at the same time I don't want to come across as a parent who thinks their kids poop doesn't stink. I don't know it all. What I know you could most likely fit into a thimble with room left over. I'm flying blind with this whole parenting gig. I'm relying on instinct, common sense and a healthy sense of humor.

I want to do what is right for everyone involved. I want his classmates to feel safe and want to get along with Lion. I want Lion to learn and understand that it's NOT okay to hit and throw and I really want to not get stopped in the hall anymore.

#$@%$#^$% Snow

Yes it's beautiful and pristine and fun to frolic in and catch on your tongue.
It's also keeping my kids home from school tomorrow.
That means I can't go to boot camp and the conference call I'm supposed to have at 8:45 is going to be near impossible to have.
Supposed to get 12 to 18 inches...

What just happened?

It's 3:20am and I've been up since 1:30am after having gone to bed at around 11:00pm.

I can't go back to bed. I didn't say I can't go back to sleep. I said I can't go back to bed. I mean I physically cannot go back to bed.

There isn't any room there for me.

Two children and a husband have completely spread out sucking up any room I might be able to wiggle into like a black hole sucks up light.

About an hour ago I tried to go and sleep in one of the kids beds. It was a joke so I gave it up and resigned myself to the fact that while my family sleeps blissfully mommy is only going to get two and a half hours of sleep tonight.

Motherhood is SO much fun!!!

No, I won't disturb the kids or my darling husband who sleeps like the dead and can't hear anything when he's hibernating.

If I move the kids that will be the end of sleep for the evening and I'll have to be up anyway but rather than being alone, I'll have two kids demanding things of me.

Did I mention that when I decided that the whole kid bed thing wasn't working for me I came into the kitchen and almost broke my neck with a slip and fall that would have made a Warner Brothers character stand and applaud me? Arms flailing, feet spinning like the road runner and I swear I hovered in the air for about 30 seconds before crashing to earth.

Humphrey peed on the floor.

He now refuses to look at me.

Smart hound...

Of course I was going to use today to run a whole bunch of errands that I need to get done since tonight we are supposed to be socked with a serious snow storm that's going to dump 12 to 18 inches of snow on us.

Yeah. None of those are going to happen today I don't think.

I'm tired and want to go to sleep.

Maybe I'll try the other kids bed.

Just call me Goldilocks.

If the kids don't kill me the dog is going to

I am a food slave to a Basset Hound.
His name is Humphrey but more often goes by Sir Fuzzy Butt.
We got him when he was only 8 weeks old. He's now 10 1/2. He's so good with the kids. Patient and kind and tolerant though in his old age he's become quite the curmudgeon. He spends his day sleeping or surfing the floors for food.

Since the boys were added to our family, his life has few bright spots. Hot Dog night is high on his list. Pizza night is not far behind but his two bright spots are my mother and sister.

Lordy does he love these women. He does back flips for them and turns into a school boy with a crush.
My mother came to visit yesterday and he didn't know she was coming. If a dog could smile, he was beaming like the winner of the lottery. TAKEMEOUTTAKEMEOUTTAKEMEOUTPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE TAKEMEOUT. See, they take him on nice long walks around the block or in the warm weather around the neighborhood. He sees them and he KNOWS he's going out to sniff and mark and be social with any other dogs he might see. He knows when he comes home he's going to get a cookie and a lap to put his head in and he's going to get love. Lots and lots of love.
Not that he doesn't get that from me. It's just different.

Once in a while we will take him out to the yard and let him gallop around. I almost always regret doing it but he loves it so much.
In the summer he always comes back with a tick or two or he rolls in poop left by other dog owners or the cats. Oh the cats.
Two feral cats have taken up residence in our yard and someone has put out a shelter for them and puts out food and water for them.

Yesterday Humphrey made a beeline for their food and before I could stop him he had almost licked their bowl clean.

Today he woke up super duper sick.
Pooping all over the house, vomiting, peeing everywhere, more lethargic than usual...
I'd had plans to take the kids to the movies with my pal and her much loved offspring. (The boys were fighting over the daughter and who was going to hold her hand)
I crossed my fingers and went despite the dog's condition. I figured it was just an hour and he would be fine.
I get a text from PT.
"The dog is pooping and peeing all over. What do I do?"
Did I mention that PT will not take care of the dog. He does not walk him, will not be responsible for him and while he loves him (I think) he wants no part of what the dog might need, or want.
Humphrey is all me and all my responsibility.
I knew I had to leave the movie and take care of the mess. Thankfully my pal offered to bring my munchkins home at the end of the film and I hopped into a cab and zoomed home.

I've spend the rest of my day catering to the hound.
I know he doesn't feel well. I get it but he's starting to become that irritating sick patient who has a bell by their bed and rings it when they need you. Humphrey doesn't ring. He WHINES. It's just 9:00 in the past hour he's gone out NINE TIMES. NINE.
I'm afraid to call his bluff and tell him to stuff it lest he poops all over the floor again. (I've already cleaned up two floor poops and about 6 poopie diapers today. No more poop for me till tomorrow morning.)
Dude, it's 23 degrees outside and I have no idea where your leash or harness are. I've been taking him out using a belt in a loop around his neck and the last 4 times I haven't even put my coat on!

He hasn't eaten anything but he's drinking a whole lot which is why he has to go out.
If he's feeling better tomorrow we will go to white rice and steamed chicken.
If he isn't feeling better tomorrow I'm going to go out for a walk and I might not coming back.
Between him and the kids and PT Monday seriously cannot come fast enough!!!
Mommy needs a break from taking care of folks and dogs!

Five Boro Bike Ride

I'm completely out of my mind. This proves it beyond a shadow of a doubt.

NOT ONLY am I singlehandedly organizing a really large scale serious bake off Fund Raiser for Autism Speaks in April (which I'm going to be bugging you about when the website is up and running) I've now signed myself up for the Five Boro Bike Tour in May. 42 miles people. I've signed myself up to pedal 42 miles.

Off my flippin rocker.

If I can raise $500 between now and May 1st I will be able to bike with the Autism Speaks team and that's why I'm doing it.

That's why I've signed up for the Bike Tour. That and I think while I slept last night I had a full frontal Lobotomy...

If I can get 100 folks to donate $5 to Autism Speaks I'll have my team entry funds raised.

Think I can do it?

Think I'll survive?

Taking place the first Sunday in May each year, the adventure starts in Lower Manhattan. The ride heads north through the heart of Manhattan to Central Park and continues on to historic Harlem and the Bronx, returning south along the East River on the FDR Drive. From there it crosses into Queens and then Brooklyn, where cyclists take over the highway before making the thrilling climb up--and down--the Verrazano-Narrows Bridge to Staten Island. The route is 42 miles, mostly flat except for the bridges.


The ride lands on Staten Island at a fun outdoor Festival, including bike demos, a mountain bike stunt show, giveaways, games, a wonderful food concession, product samples, stretching, massage, a photo booth, and official merchandise on sale. Leave plenty of time to check out the exhibitors and activities and then visit the Fort Wadsworth Overlook for a scenic photo before continuing the final three miles to the ferry.

Today

Oy! Boot Camp left me feeling very wobbly today! My arms are like rubber! I'm addicted to that class though. It feels so good when it's done and I'm loving the results I'm feeling in my legs and my arms...
www.hobokenbootcamps.com

Tomorrow I have the Tyra Banks Show taping so today I have to go shopping for something that isn't all black, or all white or have sequins on it...
These three are my go to for dressy items in my closet
Clearly all are rather bold prints and I'm guessing the TV camera has a hard time with this sort of pattern.
My other two items in my wardrobe are two red tops but my pants are khakis. Maybe I'll head to Target and see what they have...