WHY

Mike has been mocking me about all these bike events I'm signing up for calling me the Twilight Lance Armstrong. (Vampire sucking his bank account dry by biking. Get it?)
I'm not sure he understands why I keep signing up for these things. I'm not even sure I completely understand it but it goes something like this:
I need to see how far I can go. I'm one of those people who isn't happy without something to look forward to or a project on my plate. Something to work towards. A goal, to see how far I can shove myself. Something to be proud of when I rest my head on the pillow at night.

It's more than that though, at least with the biking. Exercise has NEVER interested me. At all. The best shape I was in was when I had the horses. My legs were rocks and I had ab muscles to be envied. When Bunker died that was it. Exercise went the way of all things.

Chrissy and I were members of the Sports Club at the Chelsea Piers for a year but she dropped off after 6 months and I lost interest as well.
Since I've found Boot Camp I've discovered a side of me that shocks me still. Every time I find my little feet taking me over to the Monroe Center to go to class I'm shocked.

When I find myself grabbing the heavier KBs I'm more shocked. Who IS this gal?
I got my bike on a whim. A cute way to supplement my exercise. I had NO idea I would love it so much or the workout would be so hard! More than that though it's the best exercise I've found to help with my weight loss.
Today over the course of a 4 hour ride I'll be burning close to 1500 calories!!
That's nothing to sneeze at!
When I found the 5 boro bike tour I found a new hobby or a new addiction however you view it.
The good news for him is that it's a 5 month window in which these events happen.
The bad news is that I have 3 this month!!

The main reason though deep down is because right now it's 5:40am and I'm sitting here terrified. My stomach is in total knots and I'm hoping I can keep down the cereal that I just managed to get down.
I'm nervous as all hell about this ride. Why?! It's not a race! It's not a competition. Maybe not but I'm still so afraid that I'm going to fail and not be able to finish it. That I'm not as strong yet as I want to be or think I am (or thought I was)
The ride today has LOTS of hills and bridges and climbs and they are what have my stomach in total and complete panic mode.

These events draw serious riders, folks who bike all the damn time, teams of riders as well as families and kids. Little kiddos. Do you have ANY idea how humiliating it will be if I can't finish but a child can?
My fears are irrational and illogical and completely unfounded. I'm counting myself out before I've even gotten started.

Stupid right? Can't help it. I'm lacking in confidence for my ability for this ride. HARDCORE.
I need to prove myself wrong. I need to build my confidence and  trust in myself. Failure is most certainly an option but I need to get out there and see how far I can go and how much I can do. I need to push myself beyond my fears.
THAT is why these are important to me.
As if on cue the song "Take it easy" just came on my IPod. The lyrics?
"Take your time, no need to worry. Take it easy, no need to worry."
Think I need to heed these wise words...